One phone call can split your life into “before” and “after.” That’s where our conversation with author Benedicta Gbaruk begins, in the middle of unimaginable family loss and the kind of regret that keeps you awake asking, “What did I miss?”
If you’ve ever carried fear, doubt, or worry while trying to hold a family together, you’ll hear your own questions reflected with honesty and hope.
Benedicta shares her journey through a serious car accident that leaves her young daughter with a traumatic brain injury, the months in the hospital, and the daily pressure of medical reports that seem final. She also opens up about losing her mother in 2020 and then losing her baby while pregnant, and how those layers of grief forced her into total dependence on the Holy Spirit as Comforter and Guide.
We talk about the very real tug of family regrets, why pain can isolate us, and how God often sends help through people and timing we never could have arranged.
We also get personal about marriage, anger, and submission, not as a religious rule, but as learning to submit to God first so our words stop tearing down the home we’re called to build. Benedicta explains how Scripture became her pathway to spiritual clarity, how compassion changes the way we see others, and why she believes God can turn pain into purpose. She also shares where to find her book, Discovering Grace and Peace Amid Family Regrets, and what she wants every listener to remember when the wilderness season feels endless.
If this brought you encouragement, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs hope, and leave a review so more people can find Release Doubt Reveal Purpose.
Please note that a correction is needed. In our interview, Benedicta, referenced Ephesians 3:17 when speaking about Paul’s prayer concerning spiritual understanding. The passage she was thinking of God giving us wisdom and revelation and enlightening the eyes of our hearts is Ephesians 1:17–18.
To connect with or purchase Benedicta Gbaruk's book, visit her website at: https://www.benedictagbaruk.com/
To download a free chapter of host Sylvia Worsham's bestselling book, In Faith, I Thrive: Finding Joy Through God's Masterplan, purchase any of her products, or book a call with her, visit her website at www.sylviaworsham.com
Transcript:
Welcome And The Weight Of Regret
SPEAKER_00 (0:02): If you’ve ever struggled with fear, doubt, or worry, and wondering what your true purpose was all about, then this podcast is for you. In this show, your host, Sylvia Warsham, will interview elite experts and ordinary people that have created extraordinary lives. So here’s your host, Sylvia Warsham.
SPEAKER_01 (0:26): I’ve still got a lot of fun left in me.
SPEAKER_03 (0:29): Hey, Lightbringers, it’s Sylvia Warsham. Welcome to Release Out Reveal Purpose. And today’s Benedicta Baruch. She’s here to talk to us about her latest book, but she’s also someone who believes wholeheartedly that the joy within her is from the Lord. She has gone through immense loss. And when I say immense, I mean a great deal of regret and loss in her life. There was a major turning point in her life that she’ll likely get into in this interview. It’s a serious car accident, and her daughter ended up having a traumatic brain injury. She lost her mom in 2020, which led her to write the book, Discovering Grace and Peace Amid Family Regrets. Regret can be a very powerful thing when we invite the Lord into the mix. When we try to carry this on our own, it cripples us.
SPEAKER_01 (1:29): Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (1:33): We will break under that level of pressure when we think we’re in it by ourselves. However, when we invite the Lord, which is what Benedicta did, she invited the Lord. She surrendered to his sovereignty completely. And so this conversation comes at a really particular moment for me. And I know it does for some of the listeners here on the podcast. Because as I’ve been making the rounds, I’ve heard that there’s been a great deal of people in the wilderness lately. Most of us carrying crosses that are very heavy to carry on our own. And so we need this important reminder from Benedictus’ story to remember that when we go through the pain, we’re not alone. For he is always with us. Yes. We’re the ones that abandon him. We are the ones that walk away. We’re the ones that stop believing he’s there. But the truth is, and the promises he makes in his word is that when you seek him with all your heart, you will find him every time.
SPEAKER_01 (2:55): True.
SPEAKER_03 (2:56): So without further ado, Benedicta, thank you so much for joining us on Released Out Reveal Purpose.
SPEAKER_02 (3:03): Thank you so much, Sylvia, for having me. I really appreciate it.
SPEAKER_03 (3:07): The pleasure and the honor is mine. I do want you to honor us, if you will, with your amazing story of transformation from all these losses that you went through to the space you’re currently in as an author, describing how you gained this grace and this wisdom along the way.
A Rainy Morning And A Life Shift
SPEAKER_02 (3:33): Thank you, Sylvia. It’s always emotional when I think about all this, but growing up, I fell in love with the Lord very early, by the age of 12. And I got to the point where I depended solely on the Holy Spirit for direction. So everything I did was centered around his purpose, the purpose of the Lord for my life. But as you know, we do miss it. Because sometimes we get caught up in so many things. So it still beats me, and it’s I still went through the emotions, and I had to ask God why and why is this happening to me? Because we woke up, everything seemed normal. I did pray, I just studied my word, you know, I did everything, and all I was going to do that morning was drop off my five-year-old in kindergarten. And I picked the five-year-old, I picked my my three-year-old too. And she was still sleepy and it was raining. And the amazing thing, which um I haven’t told people, is when I opened the garage door and I saw the rain pouring, I just said, Thank you, Jesus, for the showers of blessing. This is abundance of rain, and it was just so bad. So I just put them in the car, did what I had to do, and then drove them.
SPEAKER_01 (5:16): And the next thing I knew, we were in the hospital for about a hundred and twenty days.
SPEAKER_02 (5:27): And I kept on asking the Lord, I said, When you speak, I hear. What did I miss? What didn’t I hear? So that became my regret. And the whole point was, why my three-year-old? Why not me? At least I’m an adult. She still has a life in front of her. So these became regrets. And even sitting in the hospital, constantly praying, believing the Lord, the Lord sent me so many messages through people, people I didn’t even know, were reaching out and giving me messages that it will be well. He’s not going to bring me this far to let me, you know, just leave me hanging. Like I had so many messages coming in. But I kept on telling the Lord, I don’t know how this is going to happen. Because this is the doctor’s report. And you know, the amazing thing too was my mom was the one with me. She stood by me. She came in, assisted, and that even gave us the support for my husband to even go back to work early, like resume work because we needed the money. And she guided me, supported me through this whole phase.
Losing Mom And Losing A Baby
SPEAKER_02 (6:50): Then in 2020, when COVID came, I remember I used to talk to her every day. And one day she was like, Um, I do believe this is rapture, you know, and um the way this COVID is. And I’m like, why are you talking like that? Rapture is any day, anybody can die. Once you die, it’s rapture, you know, and we’re laughing, and she kept on going through the Bible with me, and we used to do verses back and forth, and by then she was in Ghana, she had gone back.
SPEAKER_01 (7:18): Then I was also pregnant at 32 weeks. I get a phone call, she died suddenly.
SPEAKER_02 (7:31): Then I lose it, no longer even thinking about the person within me or the fetus. And the next moment I have an ultrasound at 32 weeks. I go in, baby’s not moving. How did I miss this? I’ve had three babies. What went wrong? Lord, you could have, you know, like told me this, told me that, you know. So where did I miss the mark? So now I’m grieving my mom, I’m grieving my baby, then I I go through all these shambles. But along the way, I kept on writing. So what helped me was going back to the messages the Lord kept on giving me along the line. And I had to go back into my Bible because immediately I received the phone call that my mom was gone. I just said, Holy Spirit, I need you. Fill that void. I cannot make it. Be my mother. I remember, I remember where I was sitting. I said, I need you now more than ever. And truth be told, I didn’t see it then, but today I can say that he honored his word. And he became my mother. Because my mom taught me all the verses I know. She guided me through Christ, she was my great inspiration, and there was not a day that she wouldn’t call and will not even have a Bible conversation or even prayer, but now I didn’t have that. So it was all I had.
SPEAKER_01 (9:18): And I told you earlier, when I meet people and they’re so down, it breaks my heart.
SPEAKER_02 (9:28): Because we have an uncle, we have a strong, you know, I I don’t even know how to describe the Holy Spirit, because Christ said he was leaving, right? And that he’ll send us the comforter, the communicator, like the everything. Because he himself, Christ, when he was on earth, he needed the Holy Spirit, bottom line. And he had to be guided by the Holy Spirit as he walked on this earth. So when I meet people and they are not able to, even Christians, people who have been in church for a long time and they disassociate from the Holy Spirit, it just breaks my heart. Because I know what the Lord has done for me, and I want people to have that. So one day, I think I was just there when I heard the Lord tell me, people need to hear your story. And I said, God, I have so many stories. How do I write? Where do I start from? And how do I, because what people need might not be what I think they need. It’s the Holy Spirit who knows what they need for me to put out there. And that was how I came up with the book, Discovering Grace and Peace Amid Family Regrets. Because then I realized in my journey, I met people, people bitter against their parents because their parents should have done something they didn’t do right. They’re human. Your siblings did something, they themselves made mistakes. And I remember in the book, I wrote about a lady, Marion, who helped me through my crisis.
The Prayer For Help Gets Answered
SPEAKER_02 (11:08): Like it got to a point I didn’t have any help with my daughter. And I needed the help. So I prayed. I said, Lord, send me a helper. Lord, send me a helper. So I went to my daughter’s chiropractor. She had an appointment. She was talking to the chiropractor, then she goes, Oh, I have this lady, a housekeeper who comes in to help me and all that. And I’m like, Can you recommend her? Because I do need someone to. She goes, Oh, yeah, why not? Sure. And she wrote her name. I came home, I called her, and she picked up and she was so fast. She’s like, Okay, yeah, I don’t do consultations. I don’t do it. I’ll just come into your house, work with you for about an hour or two, and see if you like me. If you don’t like me, I don’t show up again. So I laid in bed and her appointment was on Saturday. So on Friday night, I kept on praying and I said, Holy Spirit, is she the one or not? Let me know. Because, you know, my daughter is sick. I just don’t want people coming in and going. Then I had this dream and I saw her back. The ship of her back. Sylvia, it was so funny. And that was all I saw. And I’m like, what is this? I because I couldn’t discern. I’m like, what? What do I make of this? So I woke up and there was, I think she showed up at nine. When she came in, and she was so fast. Okay, where do you want me to start? Like she’s she’s a she’s someone who just goes straight to work. She doesn’t entertain conversations. So I showed her, I said, okay, the kids’ room, this, I need it organized. I need she’s like, okay, sure, no problem. So I led her, and as she was going, I’m like, okay. And I saw her back. The shape was the same as I saw in the dream. And I was like, thank you, Jesus. So she’s the one. Oh my gosh. She inspired me so much. Sylvia. Just to also later find out that her son died and she had no idea. And was already cremated before she was informed. She had so much carrying of and she loved my kids just like her own. Anytime I was unable, she’ll be like, No problem, Benedicta, I got it. I’ll take them. I know this wasn’t part of the agreement, but I’ll still do it.
SPEAKER_01 (13:41): And she became a very dear friend to me. I think you’ve heard enough, right?
SPEAKER_03 (13:51): Well, you’ve unpacked quite a bit. So let’s break it down for those who’ve been on the other side. You mentioned the Holy Spirit becoming your mom, staying throughout your journey. And still it is there today for you because your mom’s still gone. Yes. And that’s a part of your story I could relate to. The Holy Spirit is the one that guides us to the truth of circumstances, to the truth of where we need to head next, because he’s the only one that can see everyone involved, needs. And because we’re all the same to him. We’re all his kids, we’re all part of the same body of Christ. And just like you, this person that came to help you with your daughter, then you become the source of strength for her for when that piece of her story becomes a reality of like cremating her son and her son passing away, and maybe her experiencing some regret. Maybe you could pour into her, your wisdom gained from the Holy Spirit and from the journey of your pain. I have a moment I’d like to discuss in the podcast if it’s all right with you. Yeah, sure. Something that relates precisely to your example.
Submission, Anger, And Telling God Truth
SPEAKER_03 (15:34): Five years into my marriage, I got woken up at three o’clock in the morning by the Lord. And I got up. I’d been struggling with submission. Submission to me was always a very awkward subject. At home, I was raised Catholic and my mother submitted to my father’s demanding ways in front of us for years. And I didn’t agree with that. I didn’t understand the concept of submission. And the Lord was going to take me through a very long process of understanding submission because initially I misinterpreted it as you need to submit to your husband. When I studied, the Lord said, you need to learn to submit to me first before you can submit to your husband. You need to understand the value of submission, what that looks like, and what you gain from it instead of viewing it as a negative. So the interesting part of this whole story is that the coach that we ended up working with, both my husband and I, the Holy Spirit kind of gave me a vision. And I asked questions in that three o’clock in the morning meeting. I said, Is this what I’m supposed to work with? Yes. And the word yes started to flash in my mind. And I felt peace. So I hired her the next day, and she brought us to a space where there was a lot of joy in our marriage. Then we fell back into old patterns, but still, the fact that I brought the Holy Spirit into it was significant in that the Holy Spirit knows my husband’s heart and he knows mine. He knows what I need to say to him and how I need to say it to him. My ways, they don’t work. They just don’t work. It does not work. And I’m just done with not talking to him. Like there came a point in this wilderness where I stopped talking to him. I was so angry with him. And I just I had never experienced anger towards the Lord ever. And I think he was trying to just gently remind me, it’s okay to feel angry, but it’s not okay to stay there.
SPEAKER_01 (17:58): Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (17:58): Okay, it’s okay to feel angry. It’s not okay to disrespect me. It’s okay to feel angry. And what I’m asking you to do with that anger is be honest with me. I don’t want to, yeah, I don’t want your performance anymore or your perfection. I want you. Wow. And when you don’t know who you are, that’s that’s a tricky question.
SPEAKER_02 (18:28): Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (18:30): So I’m curious, Benedicta, somewhere along your journey, have you ever encountered lack of clarity? Oh yeah. And how did you get from lack of clarity to clarity from the Holy Spirit and started moving in the direction he was prompting you to do?
SPEAKER_02 (18:56): Yeah.
Clarity Comes From The Word
SPEAKER_02 (18:57): So this is one of my favorite verses in Romans 20. It says in him we live and move and have our being. So that became my verse. I live in Christ, I move in Christ, I have my being in Christ. I was created in God’s image. So if he says I was created in his image, then he dwells in me. So if I need clarity for me to for me to come to the understanding that he loves me, I had to embrace that verse. And every day, as I, you know, it’s so amazing what verses do for us. The more you repeat it, the more they come to life. I was created in God’s image. I am the righteousness of Christ. I walk with Christ. No good thing would he withhold from them that walk upright. He is my anchor. He says, He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the you know, Psalm 90. So I had to become a walking Bible, like Jeremiah said, and I ate the word. I had to eat it in order to get clarity, because this is it, Sylvia. You have people sitting down with you, and this is so true, telling you your daughter should be put in a nursing facility. She’s never going to be made whole. And the interesting part of it, my husband is a physician. So he looked at everything. He told me, he looked at me, he said, unless there’s a miracle, there’s no way this this baby is going to be made whole. He read the notes himself. He like he told me, he said medically, it’s a done deal. And I told him, It is impossible for God to do nothing, like Elizabeth said. He will do it, he will confirm his word. So, in gaining clarity, it had to come from the word of God. And it had to come deep from the my, you know, out of your belly shall flow rivers of living water. You have to spring it out. And the more you eat it in, you you realize that as you walk and you talk to people, it just flows out of you. And like I said, the joy of the Lord is my strength. Where else can I get joy? You know, people will say, Oh, I love eating food. You can never get joy from food. No, at some point in time, you’ll be done. It becomes still. I don’t know about you because sometimes I just don’t even feel like eating. You know? Oh, I love traveling. I like I love sightseeing. I love it. At some point you get tired. But trust me, with the word of God, you would never get tired. Because if you do it consciously, you realize that your body needs to feed on it. I brought my daughter, or let me say we brought our daughter home in a vegetative state. She laid in bed for a whole year. And I was constantly being reminded by the doctors, anytime we went for the appointment, I said, no, no worries. The Lord will do it. And today she’s a senior in high school. And she wants to go to college. So sometimes I look at her when I try to start questioning myself and questioning, you know, the process I’ve been through. Yeah, I wanted the Lord to just touch her and then swing it. But he didn’t. Because I think he needed to break me, take me through the process. Let me see who he is. And Sylvia, another thing too is if he had healed her instantaneously at that time, I don’t think I would be where I am. Maybe the mistakes I would have made would have been greater. But I also, you know, you don’t wish anything bad for yourself because the Lord doesn’t want it to happen. But it happened. But I’m thankful that I learned through it. Did I answer your question?
SPEAKER_03 (23:34): Yes, you did. And I have two other ones for follow-ups.
Surrender, Compassion, And Guarding God’s Glory
SPEAKER_03 (23:37): Okay, so the first question is how did he break you? Like what process did he put you through? And what lesson was the most valuable lesson you learned through this journey?
SPEAKER_02 (23:49): Oh my gosh, you just it just came to me. I didn’t even, I hadn’t thought about it. So this is my first break. You know how I have an African background, right? And we are always taught that when the Lord does anything for you, which is another topic for another time because the Lord had to reteach me. Because we are accustomed to so many things that we just fall in line. Like you said, you were Catholic, right? I went to a Catholic school for five years. I so certain things become rituals. And you don’t even realize that you’ve fallen into a pattern in my Christian journey. So this is what happened. My mom was like, oh, we need to go to church and thank the Lord. At least you have been able to bring her home, right? Even though she’s in a vegetative state. Just thank God that He made it possible. So at this point, I’m like, Lord, I felt restless. I didn’t feel so I don’t know how to say it, but there was no peace in me. So I laid back and I was just praying about it. I said, Lord. And like you said, interestingly, 3 a.m. One thing I noticed is the Lord has the tendency of waking me up either 12 midnight or 3 a.m. to speak. That’s mine. I don’t know about people, but you also mentioned 3 a.m. and you realize I was smiling. Then I saw it seemed like the word flashed in front of me. I will share my glory with no one. And then I’m like, Lord, what did I do wrong? What did I do wrong? You know, because then I became, I will share my glory with no one. Because now my mom was in the process of letting people know and all that. So I had to calm myself. And like you said, he started giving me conversations and he’s like, what are you going to the church to do? Are you going to give me glory or you’re going to give glory to my going to church to stand in front of the church to say thank you, Lord? Is it me you’re thanking? Or is it the pastors? Because I come from a very big pool of pastors, right? I would, truth be told, we never lacked prayer. And we are a Holy Spirit-filled family, like church, you know, tongues all the way. It was just back and back and back. So then I asked the Lord, what did I do wrong? Why isn’t it normal and all that? And he said, There are people sitting down there to take the credit. You’re saying that they prayed and I hid, and that it was because of their prayer. I was so dumbfounded. I was like, oh my God. So I asked the Holy Spirit, he said, yes. Some men will always want to take the glory, even after I have done it. So you cannot take her to church. When the time is right, I would let you know. And it’s been 14 years. I never did any offering. Yeah, I have done the thanks offering, you know, the sacrifice and everything, but we’ve never gone to stand in front of the church to say, thank you, Lord, for healing it. Because He’s never given me the clearance. And the last thing I want to do is to upset the Holy Spirit. Because when you grieve the Holy Spirit, you pay the price. I think I missed the second question.
SPEAKER_03 (27:54): The most valuable lesson that you learned throughout this journey with the Holy Spirit.
SPEAKER_02 (28:00): So the most valuable lesson I learned is anything he’s instilled in you, he’s instilled in me. We are all his vessels to carry out the gospel. And we are there to help each other. And without compassion, we can never be able to help humanity. But the way life has turned it, we’ve become so insensitive to others. But if we really want to please God, then we have to be compassionate to one another. That’s it.
SPEAKER_03 (28:37): That it’s an interesting concept, the compassionate side of the Lord, because it’s a very, it’s easy to say, it’s very hard to practice because we’re very selfish human beings. In this season of wilderness, he has been showing me gently, of course, examples of my selfishness throughout the years and how it has impacted the lives of others. That’s a hard one.
SPEAKER_01 (29:10): Sometimes you’re shocked.
SPEAKER_03 (29:12): Yeah. Yeah. Because you think, well, I was just expressing my feelings. Yes, but your feelings also impacted other people within your sphere of influence. Very true. That influence I’m giving you is not for you to only share. Bring someone down. Yeah. Only share how it wounded you. It is to share my love and my compassion in the world. To share my light, my glory. And it’s been a humbling experience thus far. And I don’t know how many more months or years of this I’m going to be under his tutelage. I was curious how long it took you, I think it took your daughter to come out of the vegetative state. I mean, she was three when she had the accident. Yeah. She said she’s in high school right now? Yeah, she’s 17 now. She’s 17. So how many years did it take for her to come out of it?
SPEAKER_02 (30:19): Um, initially a year. Okay. For her to become and you know, this is what is so amazing. The Holy Spirit had me stop giving her her medications. True. I didn’t tell my husband, I didn’t tell anybody. Because anytime, I think when we came home, probably around the ninth month, anytime I tried giving her her medication because she had the G tube, I’ll start seeing her fussing. Like shaking, trying to stop me, but she was nonverbal, nothing was, you know. Then one day, as I took it, I took the syringe and I was trying to do it. Then I heard stop all meds loudly. And you know, sometimes when the Holy Spirit has been nudging you and you don’t, he comes like an amplifier. It’s like, boom, stop all meds. And that day, my husband was standing right behind me. So I didn’t know what to do. So I just put it down and I’m like, oh, okay, let me come clean up the self. Because there is no way if I had told him I had to stop the mats, he would have allowed me. Because he knows the implications, right? But if we have to trust him, then we have to do it. So I stopped the mats. Then a month later, I saw her head was up because she was in a wheelchair without, it’s like her she couldn’t control her neck. Now I sit there up doing her baths and she’s all up. I’m like, what’s going on here? And then I kept on praying. Then in I think the 11th month, or maybe I’ll say six weeks after, my husband decided to test her. So this evening she finished taking her shower. I bathed her and everything, and then he tried to test her limbs and everything. And he goes, squeeze my fingers. Squeeze how many fingers? Show me, with you know, and then she kept on following the prompts. And he goes, What changed here? Something changed. I said, I don’t know. I was trying to be aloof. And then he goes, No, something has changed. And I said, um, she’s not had her medication in. He said, stop it. If she’s supposed to receive her medications, I’ll let you know. But now let’s see how it goes. And those are some of the journeys that the Lord put me through, you know, in order to bring me to the point where I just I would just use the word surrender. And as you were talking about him breaking you, about being selfish. You know, I grew up, everybody will say Benedicta speaks her mind, but now I cannot speak my mind. Unless the Holy Spirit gives me utterance. I cannot. So you see it and you’re like, mm, what? And then you just back off, you know?
SPEAKER_03 (33:32): Because I think that’s the journey he has me on. Because I’ve always spoken my mind, and very people knew what I was thinking. There’s no question.
SPEAKER_02 (33:45): Yes, yes. I agree. You don’t hide it.
SPEAKER_03 (33:47): I don’t hide it. And now my prayer has shifted to give me the wisdom of when to speak and when to remain silent. Which is ecclesiastics, right? Yes. But he talks about Solomon talking. Is it Solomon? I think it’s Solomon, yeah. Solomon is giving his wisdom of there’s a time to speak and there’s a time to remain silent.
SPEAKER_02 (34:13): There’s the other three.
SPEAKER_03 (34:14): And that has been one of the verses I’ve used. Lord. Awesome. Tell me when is the time to speak and when to stay silent. Slip it. And yesterday I caught myself starting to speak and then choosing very quickly to remain silent. Because the conversation was between my husband and our son from my first marriage. So stepdad. But there’s always been a dynamic that I created long ago between the three of us, where my husband didn’t feel like he could talk to our son or pour into our son. And that’s on me.
SPEAKER_01 (34:56): Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (34:57): I’m taking ownership publicly for that one. And now I have to undo that dynamic by operating very differently than I was. And it’s costing me.
unknown (35:13): Right?
SPEAKER_03 (35:14): It’s costing me because I’m the one that caused that. And I understand that that’s my role now because our father in heaven has been very clear with me of what is that Proverbs? There’s a line in Proverbs that talks about women um undoing their home with their hands. What is what which one you build your own home.
SPEAKER_02 (35:39): Yeah. Or you can tear it down with your own hands. Yeah, and then you tear it down. Yeah. Yeah, that’s it.
SPEAKER_03 (35:44): And that one has been on repeat in my mind as well.
SPEAKER_02 (35:46): Yes, yes. And I’m being tear it down, but you can build it.
SPEAKER_03 (35:50): You can build it back up again.
SPEAKER_02 (35:52): Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (35:52): But I did tear it down.
SPEAKER_01 (35:55): Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (35:55): And and and I need to rebuild. So what does that look like? Now I have a question because I’m curious with you. How do I start rebuilding? Just praying and listening for his voice.
SPEAKER_02 (36:12): Okay, I just had something in my spirit when you were talking.
Tongues, Listening, And Rebuilding The Home
SPEAKER_02 (36:16): Are you filled with the Holy Spirit baptism? Like speaking in tongues.
SPEAKER_03 (36:22): No, I don’t know anything about that.
SPEAKER_02 (36:23): Yeah. That’s a controversial topic. It’s in Acts chapter 2. Okay. And if you want, we can always maybe off here, talk about it, and I can guide you into it. Because usually when I come to the point where I’m finding it hard to resist, I start speaking in tongues. And then the Holy Spirit helps, gives me guidance and utterance. Because it’s a conversation, right? The people expect you to contribute. But the contribution you’re bringing out is the wrong one. Yeah. So what I have found is once I start speaking in tongues, he brings out the word.
SPEAKER_03 (37:11): Now, is this in silence as you’re like debating whether to say or sometimes even he’ll just speak out of you and you’ll be amazed.
SPEAKER_02 (37:18): You’d be like, where did this come out from? And people will be like, huh, this is so beautiful. So what you’re saying, I have all three girls, right? With my husband. But it’s very common for mothers to always take a stand against the father. And I understand what you’re saying, but the dynamics is when it’s not your dad, then you might have veered off. I’ve done so many things, I’m guilty to my husband, which is called to my attention several times. He’s like, you don’t give me the way, you don’t let me, you know, try to talk to them. You don’t let me, and you are always, and sometimes I have to apologize, and I’m like, I’m so sorry. I looked at it from the girl’s perspective, but you are their dad. So you go ahead, you know. So, Sylvia, I I know you might be blaming yourself, but you have to let go and let the Holy Spirit take control. And me being who I am today is because every day I have to blast in tongues, which a lot of people don’t know much about, and some criticize, but that is where you can really get deeper with the Holy Spirit. You start, you see, Ephesians chapter 3, verse 17 talks about enlightening the eyes of my understanding, like Paul was praying to the church, right? Praying for the church, right? And in enlightening the eyes of your understanding, you’re going to know all the riches and the glories which are in Christ Jesus. And all these, who is going to open it up to you? Is the Holy Spirit. And without him opening it up to you, you cannot know. And trust me, once you get to that point, even your husband, even when you say anything, he won’t even take note of it. Because the Holy Spirit will always be working on him. Because by the time you get there, he’s already, you know, and you’ll be like, oh, okay, that’s Sylvia again. That’s okay. But it takes time. It takes time. And like you’re saying, it’s one day at a time. For me, that’s where my strength has been. And like you said, at least Jesus chapter three is one of my favorite chapters. There’s a time for everything. And you have to also note that the Lord does not require us to know everything right now. Because we are growing in Christ, it’s a daily walk, and we have to be totally dependent on him. We have to walk side by side. But the the downside with human beings is when he speaks, we refuse to listen. So the secret that I can tell you, at least, if you can spend one hour in tongues every morning, trust me. And with time, when you work with the Holy Spirit, you realize that even when you’re sitting down subconsciously, he’ll be feeding you with the word and you’ll be going through it, and you’ll be going through it. So when we are done, I can show you. There are a lot of um ministers out there who have books written and who have the right guidance that I can give you those links. And um, I listened to your podcast and I got the NLT. I didn’t know about it. I love it because it explains a lot. Yeah, I uh I was thinking of studying the Bible in thoughts, like um in a systematic way, like in the journeys of everybody. But I didn’t know how to do it, so this has helped me and I’m working with it. Yeah, so thank you. You’re welcome.
SPEAKER_03 (41:21): Thanks for watching, and we can thank Denise Milianta who Yeah, correct the one that called me, told me about it back in April, I think, of this year. So I’ve been blessed to be surrounded by women who walk with the Lord every day and who speak to him. That’s beautiful.
Where To Buy The Book
SPEAKER_03 (41:42): And I want to thank you, Benedicta, for coming on the show because we’re at the end of it. Any last words of encouragement you want to leave us with? And where can we purchase your book?
SPEAKER_02 (41:53): Okay, Discovering Grace and Peace Amid Family Regrets is on Amazon, both Kindle and Paperback, and also on my website, benedictaqbaruk.com. And the audiobook will soon be released. We’re still working on it. And what I want people to know is the Lord speaks, the Lord hears you, the Lord needs you because you are an ambassador for him. So you have to just lean on him when you have any pain and turn it into any pain that you have in you, he can turn it into purpose. You just have to lean on him and let him direct you.
SPEAKER_03 (42:39): Thank you, Sylvia. It was such a pleasure to have you on. And to the rest of the listeners, remember Matthew 5.14 to be the light, be the light like Benedictus been the light. She has used the Lord’s light to guide her out of immense loss and then and such joy. She went through all that pain all the while trusting him.
SPEAKER_01 (43:03): Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (43:04): Whether she could see the path before her or not was irrelevant. She had faith. And a woman’s faith and a mother’s faith is so powerful. So much more powerful than anything man has ever done, really, because it invites the Lord into the mix. It invites him to do what only he can do. Yes. Impossible. The impossible in man’s eyes, but the possible in the Lord’s eyes. It’s a very different filter, it’s a very different set of eyes. See, the Lord can see our hearts. And I do want to share something very personal, in that this morning I was in doubt of whether to continue release out reveal purpose as a podcast. And when you came out and said, because of you, I was able to get some explanation and some understanding because of an episode and what you shared with on the podcast. I find the Lord’s timing impeccable, as usual. And he listens to our heart. Yes. And what we need. And who we need, which is him. Total dependence on him while still doing our jobs. Yes. Still showing up as a mother, as a wife, as an author, as a podcast guest, host, whatever it is that you do on a daily basis, doesn’t mean that you just kind of throw up your hands in the air and say, okay, go on, come and do everything for me. No. It’s while you wait for a response, a prompting a clear path to continue following him. Yes. Getting into his word, spending time with him in stillness every morning. That’s what you can do while you wait to hear from the Lord in those times of wilderness and loss and regret. So I hope this message of hope has blessed you, each and every one of you that are listening on the other side. And may the Lord always be with you. God bless each and every one of you. Have a wonderful and blessed rest of your day. Bye now. Thank you. Bye.
Subscribe, Review, And Free Gift
SPEAKER_00 (45:35): So that’s it for today’s episode of Release Doubt Reveal Purpose. Head on over to iTunes or wherever you listen and subscribe to the show. One lucky listener every single week who posts a review on iTunes. We’ll win a chance the grand prize drawing to win a $25,000 private VIP day with Sylvia Worship herself. Be sure to head on over to Release Doubt Reveal Purpose Podcast.com and pick up a free copy of Sylvia’s gift. And join us on the next episode.