What if caring for an aging parent didn’t mean losing yourself in the process?
We sit down with author and caregiver advocate Barbara Stratte to map the messy, human, and hopeful path through the sandwich generation—where kids, careers, and parents all need you at once. From downsizing a lifetime of belongings to deciding between a retirement home and moving Mom in, Barbara shares the trade-offs, the timelines, and the truths most families learn too late.
We go deep on Alzheimer’s realities, including what sundowning looks like and how to plan the day around the bright window when energy and conversation flow. Barbara explains why small rituals—weekly flowers, a slow Target stroll, or soup at Panera—often beat grand plans, and how a companion can unlock movement, sunlight, and dignity without the cost of nursing care.
Expect frank talk about anticipatory grief, choosing where your attention goes, and why joy isn’t optional—it’s the counterweight to loss. If you’re caring for parents, raising kids, or bracing for what’s next, this conversation offers clarity, comfort, and concrete steps you can use today.
If you want to connect with Barbara Stratte visit her website at: www.thesandwichedgen.com or on Instagram @barbarastratte
If this helped, follow and subscribe, share it with a friend who’s caregiving, and leave a review to tell us the topic you want next. Your story could guide our next episode.
To download a free chapter of host Sylvia Worsham’s bestselling book, In Faith, I Thrive: Finding Joy Through God’s Masterplan, purchase any of her products, or book a call with her, visit her website at www.sylviaworsham.com
Transcript:
If you’ve ever struggled with fear, doubt, or worry and wondering what your true purpose was all about, then this podcast is for you. In this show, your host at Sylvia Warsham will interview elite experts and ordinary people that have created extraordinary lives. So here’s your host at Sylvia Warsham.
Hey Lightbringers, it’s Sylvia Warsham. Welcome to Release. Today is Barbara Stratt. She is the author of this awesome book called When Rose Reverse, a roadmap for caring for aging parents. And I remember James Brackland. He’s been sending me a lot of very quality candidates onto my podcast. And I’ve been so grateful to James. And he said, Do you think she might be a good candidate? And I remember reading her story and thinking, yes, because I have a lot of questions for her. I have aging parents. You know, my father passed away last year, as everybody knows on the podcast, but then my mom’s 85. And I’ve learned a lot from my father’s terminal diagnosis and the last 20 years of his life. Uh, we just never knew when he was going to lose his battle with a brain tumor. So it’s it’s very stressful. And I know that she has her 90-year-old mom with Alzheimer’s currently living in her home. So she has a lot of wisdom around this subject matter. So without further ado, Barbara, thank you so much for joining us on Released Out Reveal Purpose.
Oh, thank you. And I’m so honored to be here. I love talking about this topic. It’s just the world I’m dancing in and ready to share guidance and support to those who need it that are in the sandwich generation.
I love that term. You’re gonna have to explain that term to me as you discuss your story of transformation. So go ahead and dive deep for me. Why did you land in this? Aside from having your mom with Alzheimer’s living with you, what was the trajectory to becoming an author?
Yeah, my parents were older when they had me. And I remember when I was younger, I used to brag of like, oh, my parents are this age, and they’d be like over a decade older than my friend’s parents. And my parents would look at me going, You don’t let’s not tell people that thing. And so my dad sadly passed away when I was 20 from a brain tumor. So I’m so sorry about your dad. And uh, and so my mom’s been single since then, and she’s such an amazing person. And what I’ve always kind of just as my dad passed away, I’ve kind of stepped in and just held her closer. And um, and then actually it was during COVID that we were living in California at the time, and we were realizing my mom needed more help. She was starting to get a little more fearful of living alone. She had lost when she went to the grocery store, she came out and she was wandering in the parking lot, couldn’t remember where she parked her car. And so her neighbors were calling me in panic. And here I am, thousands of miles away, feeling so helpless. And COVID was kind of that gift from God, you know, that uh that saying of like God sends lifeboats. And my husband and I looked at each other, we’re like, oh my gosh, we don’t move for many reasons, like our own personal journey as well. We feel like we’d be missing that lifeboat. And so it was a wonderful gift to move back home, be more involved in her life. We um helped downsize her so she was living independently, and then we moved her into a retirement home. And I started sharing a lot of this on the social media, which social media I think can be such a wonderful vehicle for connection. And I, you know, I just kind of was like, it was such a big part of my life. It was so much bandwidth that was happening of like you know, if you have downsized your parent, it’s it’s a lot, it’s a lifetime of stuff and just all the emotions, all the feels, and walking them through it. And then so I started sharing it and I couldn’t believe the amount of gratitude and connection I was getting with my followers and my my people. And I just loved it and I was like, oh my gosh, this is needed. And so I started sharing more and more and more, and people were like, oh my gosh, thank you. Because I think it’s such an innately private matter with our parents, you know, maybe because they are such a private generation, that baby boomer generation. And I think people were like, Thank you. I I thought I was the only one going through this. And that is one of my biggest driving forces is to never have anyone feel alone in anything because the minute you start talking about something, no matter what it is in your life, you’re like, Oh, I’m not the only one. Like, this is so relatable, this is so real. And so I think that’s why it got such a positive impact on people. And I just kept going with it, and it’s just been a journey. I mean, with aging parents, every day is an adventure. It’s like, you know, with your kids, you don’t know what you’re gonna get next, and with your parents, just kind of not improving but declining. So it’s heartbreaking, it’s overwhelming. There’s so many unknowns, and so when people started reaching out, they were asking a lot of questions, and I was helping them, and I just felt so good. And people were like, Oh my god, thank you so much. You saved us tons because I got my mom on Medicare, you know, and like Medicaid and like all these things. And and so one of my friends was like, Barb, you should do this, like you should start helping people. And I was, you know, they always say, You are your best client. And so I looked at myself a couple of years ago and I was like, What do I wish I had? And I wish I had, because when I started looking, my mom was pretty awesome about being proactive and having things in place, but not everything. And then when you step in as a caregiver and of any sort, you know, I think when I say caregiver, some people are like, Oh, you’re like 100% like physical care. No, this means of any, like just helping them in any sort of compassion like fashion or anything. And because that’s what the sandwich generation is, is you are raising kids of any age, you could be an empty nester or you know, have kids at home, and then you’re having to help out your aging parent in any way. And so you are literally sandwiched in between. And people are like, Did you come up with that term? I’m like, You’re so cute. No, I did not. Um, it’s getting more and more awareness, which I’m very grateful for because, like perimenopause, it’s like the more awareness, the more help there is, the more people are able to communicate and talk about it, the more normalized it is, the more people feel less alone. So I am here for it. And I just I started just sharing more and more and more of her journey. And um, and then my mom, when we realized we moved her into the home and her retirement home, and then she was great for a year. It was so funny when Sylvia, when we moved her in, it felt like I mean, that’s why I named my book Womb Rolls Reverse, but it felt like I when I went to college and she was leaving me, like, is she gonna be okay? And I set up her space and made sure everything was good. And I literally was so nervous. I ate dinner with her that first night just to get her comfortable in the dining area. And then the next morning I’m calling her and I’m like, who’d you sit with? Like, as you know, who’d you meet? And turns out if you’re over a certain age, everyone’s like, hey, it’s very uh less cookie and pretty cool. And she had a great experience. Great experience. It was a wonderful retirement home. And then we just noticed more and more decline. And I I sadly she was she’s such a social butterfly. And I was realizing she was sleeping more, she seemed depressed. She, and so uh, and we lived 20 minutes away, but like the 20 minutes where I think it’s relatable in any city, where the 20 minutes could be an hour at the wrong time. So I find myself going to visit her, and then I’d be like doing her laundry, tidying up, you know, doing these things. I wasn’t getting quality time, and then I’d be like, my window’s closing before it’s an hour back, and I have to go be, you know, pick up my kids. And so we were looking into moving her to a closer retirement home so that I could check in more often. And then my wonderful husband suggested we move her in, and it was scary, and we’re lucky. I do not suggest that for everyone.
No, it’s hard with Alzheimer’s, it’d be difficult. Oh, yeah, yeah, they lose perspective of who you are and where they’re at, and you don’t know where in their mind they’re at. I think that there was a great movie with Anthony Hopkins that got into this concept of Alzheimer’s, like what actually is going on inside their head and why they get so lost and confused. I couldn’t remember the name of it, but I remember watching it because my father had dementia. As I mentioned, he had the brain tumor and he had the brain tumor because of the service in Vietnam as a surgeon. Um, and it they discovered it in his 60s, and he was at the prime of his urological career, and it just it got cut very, very short because they had a successful surgery to remove the tumor, but he had an ischemic stroke and lost all ability. And he came back part-time, but from that moment on, from like 2003 and on, um, my dad um was operating at we didn’t realize had some level of dementia. Because every time you go under the knife, you get uh more less oxygen in your brain. And so then it starts to get all these complications, right? And stroke doesn’t help for any Alzheimer’s or dementia. Um, and I remember just sitting in front of my dad, like, and he would think that we were in Monterrey, Mexico, which is where he grew up. And I’m like, I would have to play along because I’m like, I don’t want to tell him no, because his mind is there, right? And I was just kind of playing along, like, oh, so where are we, Dad? And oh, we’re at a restaurant, and I want to take you out to a restaurant. We just kind of kept looking at each other like you’re home, but okay. Uh but yeah, it’s tricky. Well, that was kind of very, very tricky.
So it’s not clear cut. So it it’s there’s such a huge range of what someone could be going through with in any cognitive challenge area, right? Some get really cranky and have anxiety, and and then some, you know, my mom some are like sundowners, like my mom kind of has, where when it gets in the evening time, then it’s really bad. Um, some we’ve had some help come and they don’t even believe that she has a cognitive challenge because for a half hour she will read the room and be very socially aware and be good, and then they’ll start to realize it after a half hour. Um, and then it’s you know, some days are better than others. Some days she comes out and tells me she has to get on a bus because, you know, and I’m like, okay, wow, okay, I’ll let you know when it when we need to go, and you’ve gotta go with it. And so it is, and not only, you know, with for those who are listening that don’t have parents with cognitive challenges, I think that is because it’s becoming so common, I think that is one of the biggest fears. And we can go over what to look for and what to be concerned about with their parents, but uh in any aging, I mean, it takes, you know, just one fall and your parent is in a totally different way. Um, and so it it’s just this unknown. And I just really felt compelled to because when I was trying to find information, I it was like outdated. I didn’t feel it like anyone heard or saw me, and it wasn’t it wasn’t relatable. So I really want, I was like, you know what? I want to be the person that is like, hey, I am I am with you, I’m going through this, but I do have I’m a step ahead of you because my parents are older, because I’ve been going through this for a while. So I just wanted to put everything in one place of like, hey, these are and the chapters are every stage, you be going through preventative, do going through it, um, all the all the things. So um everything from starting the conversation and getting pertinent things in place to end of life because there’s there’s just what you don’t know, you don’t know. And it is that it’s overwhelming. And I’m hearing too many stories of people that are sacrificing them their own mental health, and they’re they’re like in a bad way. And I I always liken it to that when you’re in the plane and putting your own oxygen mask on, because if you don’t do that, you can’t help anyone else. And so a lot of my book as well is like making sure of self-care, making sure that you are you know taking care of yourself and your sanity so you can be helped to others. There’s also you and I discussed quickly before, but sibling challenges uh is a real thing. There it just kind of brings up almost every issue you had in your childhood. It’s like, okay, now we’re back, we’re circling back. And so it just brings up a lot. And some people don’t have great relationships with their parents, so it’s a different journey for them, and they don’t know what their parents have in place, so it’s scary, it’s a huge financial thing to have a parent that needs care or where they’re gonna live. So it is this kind of you know, scary part of chapter of our lives that I just want to be the light in because there is so much when you when you have the knowledge or you know what to do, or you like know you’re not alone, it’s not as scary.
You know, it I I agree, I agree, because when you face it, when you start facing it, you you then the fear doesn’t take over. The fear of losing a parent is already an enormous fear for anybody, it’s kind of like fear of death. Um, it’s among the top ones, and I know I felt that. Like when my dad got the terminal diagnosis, I knew we had time and to say goodbye.
Yeah.
And it hit, I’m the oldest, and then there’s my brother who uh took care of our father and uh our baby sister, who’s five years younger than me. So I’m 51, so she’s in her late 40s. And it just hit us all very differently. And then I think culturally in Mexico, because both my parents are Mexican, the oldest being me, was basically put in charge by the other two that just said, Well, you’re the responsible one, you’re the oldest. This is on you. And my parents put me as their executor of their estate, and that’s a big role. On top of helping with the caretaking piece, right? Now, I lived in Austin. My father was in Brownsville, Texas. That’s a good six and a half hour, seven-hour drive if I were to drive it, or a one-hour flight from Austin to Harlingen, uh, Texas. And so I would go every month and stay the whole weekend. Now, that’s a big deal because I have kids and I have responsibilities here in Austin, and I’m a wife too, you know. And my brother was in town, and I was like, dude, this one’s on you. Like when I lived in Brazil, I was in my parents’ house. Like when he was going through his surgeries and seizures and all sorts of complications that come with brain tumors, because brain tumors are not easy things, as you know, and I’m really sorry about your dad, because that was probably very sudden, and it just must have devastated your mom and must have devastated you as well. And for that, I’m truly like my my compassionate heart is moving towards you. But I know that there’s a powerful reason why certain things in our life happen and they equip us for that next chapter. And and only, and I’m a woman of faith. I’ve I’ve been one for a long time, and I tend to see things a little bit different in that every painful chapter uh has a lesson tied to it that we learn that then God uses um for what’s coming next. He’s already equipped us for the stage we’re in right now. And you had already seen it with your dad and the sudden, and then with your mom like starting to get like declining, it’s giving you time to like react to it, you know, and then it’s like, okay, what stage am I in? Let me let me write about that. We can from our perspective, it’s really powerful because our perspective, a lot of people think like us, and when we put it on paper, when people read it, they’re like, Oh, I feel seen. Much like I was telling you about Alexis Lee’s book. I had told her in the interview, and you probably heard it because you said you heard that podcast interview, was it was like she had unzipped my soul, took a peek in, and was like, and that’s what it felt like. And I was like, Wonderful, I feel seen. And with this, I’m like, oh yeah, my roles had reversed. Like I remember just taking care of my mom, holding her hand, like helping her, you know, and remembering my mom was once there with me. Or in my case, um, when my dad got that terminal diagnosis, I knew my mother’s heart was aching. She was still in denial. Like she still thought she was hopeful that my dad was gonna bounce back, like he always had with the other brain tumors that had come back and they had gotten right out. But at 84 years old, uh, 83 years old, they basically said there’s nothing much we can do. Health-wise, you won’t stand for another surgery, right? So when I was in college, speaking of college, uh every week I would get a card in the mail from my mom, just kind of, hey, just thinking of you, checking in, blah, blah, blah. And they were such awesome things to get in the mail. So I started do the same thing for her. Oh like oh my god. And so they would get a card for me every week, both of them. And it was to lift their spirits up. Yes. And this happened for an entire uh year, like that whole 2023, 2024 was when they would get my letters every week, you know, without fail. And then sometimes I would sprinkle in some like cool gifts, you know, like to be able to receive because it’s it’s hard. It’s hard to be in those stages knowing that the end is coming. No matter how you peel it, or it’s just it’s a it’s a hard, it’s a hard sale. It’s hard.
And you’re going through your own emotions of losing someone every day, you know. Uh, and but I love that you came from like I I think we can then shine our gifts on our parents, like that role reversal in a in a positive way. My mom, she does live with us, but even if someone was, you know, uh like I love that you weren’t right by your parents, six hours away, and you write a letter. I give my mom flowers every week, and it just became and I started sharing that, and people were like, I didn’t even think to do this. Oh my gosh, I love this. And we’re talking a$4 bouquet from uh Trader Joe’s because I love Trader Joe’s. I don’t know. I love Trader Joe’s, I don’t know their flowers, they’re the best, they’re the best, and so I I just I think some people when you’re in it, you forget the simple things and the little things that have huge impact, and it’s that connection. And I even like post about taking my mom to Target or Costco and those little things of it doesn’t have to be like you’re going to dinner or these big events. It’s they just want time with you. And you I mean, we have a ball, and my mom, the samples. I mean, she is in heaven and she’s I’m getting her exercise, she’s holding on to the cart, like, and so it can be those little little simple things. And I just don’t want people to have guilt over these, you know, hallmark or huge this Instagram lifestyle that we all think we should adhere to. It’s just when you keep it those little, it’s like that’s the where the magic is is the little little things. And uh I think having you and I both having lost someone, I think we’re more, you know, I think it opens your eyes to being more appreciative of what you have. So even though sure could I be sad and crying every day that I’m you know losing my mom. Absolutely. But I I do believe aging is a gift and not everybody gets to do it. And so I am so grateful for my time with her. And is it frustrating? Is it like oh my gosh I have another kid sometimes. Absolutely I’m not saying I’m a saint and it’s all beautiful and perfect. No, it is a lot it pushes me. I I’ve done and and I love that like when I post about it and I’m like literally bringing my emotional temperature from here to like down again. And I’m like she fed the dog again you know and poor dog is overweight. My mom won’t eat the good stuff only wants to eat the sweets and then feeds my dog the bad stuff and I’m like who’s crazier her or me because I like I should I just get over this and so it’s just our own personal journey while we’re trying to support others. It’s a lot and so I really want everyone I always say you are awesome you are appreciated you are needed because we don’t hear it enough especially as women especially as moms and I especially with balancing two ends of our spectrum and all the emotion and all the feels that go with it. And so I just try and be out there and because I think one of my hugest gifts is being a pocket cheerleader and pumping people up and just being like seeing the bright side of things. So that’s what I really tried to do and inject in this book. And when I talk to people one on one I do care chats and guidance sessions because uh it was feedback from people and they’re like every every situation’s unique some people just need to like emotionally just unload and be healthy. And I’m like I get it. And so and some people like I’m in you know I went and saw my parents and I realized their food’s updated and their mail their bills aren’t paid and like I’m freaking out and it I always say it’s like a tip of an iceberg where you might see if you start to see something there’s been a lot going under the surface you know if you’re starting to Yeah I I I’ve seen that a lot.
Yeah um one person that I’m curious about and I’m gonna ask is your husband his role and his does I first of all let me just commend him for inviting his mother-in-law not all sons-in-law no are like wrong yeah uh in fact it’s he’s a rarity he’s a gem so you can you can tell your husband that for me um I have a gem as well my husband adores my mother and I know that if my mother were in a similar situation Donnie would likely say let’s have her live with us and we’ll take care of her. So I I know that in supporting you sometimes they get missed because we’re so overwhelmed at times with our grief our anticipatory grief which is what almost took me down what I had was my faith and every day I laid all of it at God’s feet. I just couldn’t do it without God right and I never understood the the concept of my faith sustains me. I’m like what on earth does that mean until my father received his terminal diagnosis and then I understood it was the daily surrender to God of the things that I I couldn’t control. I could not control that that tumor was going to take my father’s life I could not control that his stages were rapidly like declining like there was like it was going so fast. Every stage I told my my dad even before like in 2020 we celebrated his 80th birthday and I remember him saying um it’s such a problem getting old and I remember correcting him and saying well I’ll um let’s agree to disagree dad I didn’t think it was in Spanish but I said I think getting old is a privilege I said you have gotten 20 years from the time they did your surgery to now of bonus time that God gifted us. And I I love that he slowed you down bad because you were able to get to know your family and you got to see your eight grandchildren be born and and raised um his the youngest one was I see my daughter was nine when he passed away so I think the youngest one was like eight or seven at best um that’s my brother’s um younger kid and I was like what a privilege but I do know that as we are taking care of not just our families like our husbands and our children and our parents that sometimes our husbands get kind of left behind.
Do tell me a little bit about how he has managed to be that emotional support for you and what he is doing to kind of keep himself sane yeah and I love that you asked that my so my husband Brian and I we dated in high school so we are pretty much high school sweethearts I mean we took breaks and everything but he really knew my parents really well from early on and he is he is he’s a gem I am really lucky and he mentioned he suggested it and I didn’t even think about it our again this is not for everybody. I don’t we wouldn’t be able to do it with his family my mom is very easy so we have a unique situation. I I want to paint that picture because I don’t want anyone to have any guilt if it’s not right for you if your husband’s not suggesting this. So it’s very unique. And he saw how stressed I was by not being able to because I do believe the more care your parent needs even if it’s without you in the retirement home which was a lovely retirement home they were just overseeing her medication management and I it they were messing up and I was like you know it was stressing me out. And I think he saw that maybe it’d be a little bit easier on me to see her every day and we did it as a trial basis which is the best way to do things because it doesn’t feel final it does and you’re both trying it on and my mom never wanted to be a burden which I think a lot of that generation never wants to be um and so since she’s been here I always say that you you tend to the neediest child a lot of my time is she is my neediest child sometimes and again she’s I mean I’m lucky she doesn’t need a nurse you know we have a companion for her to like help with getting her out and all this stuff. But my I think which my husband is really easygoing and I keep going back to it and people might laugh but it’s the feeding the dog my Brian I think what it does is it reminds us like when you’re raising kids there’s growth there’s things are going up like they’re gonna learn it they’re gonna like it’s gonna it won’t always be this tough. When parents are aging everything’s going down. So even though you tell her you can’t you’re like what am I doing? Because it’s not you know especially with cognitive challenges she would never do this before she would never put food on the floor she was like so clean and like you know just like Betty Crocker and Martha Stewart all in one. And so it’s I think what that action is to both of us is heartbreak. It’s just like this act of us seeing like oh my God like this is happening. This is in our face and you know instead of just if she’s hard of hearing or if she’s not you know with it, it’s that is the act that does it. So I think that’s the one that pushes him over the edge. What has really helped us um because sadly his parents were in Portland Oregon his parents are in Missouri and his dad was diagnosed with dementia and his dad’s going pretty quickly um is we, you know, he is going to see his dad and stuff like that. But we started talking about it. And we started like there’s just too much going on with being in midlife with having a parent live with us with dealing with his parents and like all the emotions and feels and we actually started recording it and we started a podcast about it because it was this uninterrupted time that we could just talk about a topic. I didn’t know how he felt about things and he’s so cute because when we sit down he doesn’t even know what we’re gonna talk about. He just shows up and we but he we really get real we get real and we talk about it and we both feel seen and heard and you know we’re both going through our own things but on different trains you know you just have like it’s not his mom but he has his dad going on and so I think communication is huge. We’re making time for each other we were saying that our our dates look very different now. They might be on the sidelines of our kids’ games but or driving together to take our kids somewhere and then we have it alone. So it’s just making each other in priority but it just looks different.
Yeah yeah and it doesn’t have to be the way everybody else does it it has to be the way that fits you well yes you’re at a different you’re in a different stage not everybody’s in right so I’m I’m already in perimenopause I thought I was in menopause uh for a while and then all of a sudden everything came back to normal and I’m like wait wait wait I was already there like coming back totally um and I think it was after my father passed away the enormous amount of stress on my body because I was the one writing his obituary I was the one doing the celebration of life nobody was talking about it because my mother was in denial up until like two days before he died. It was so out of no one had spoken to her someone has to go pick where he’s going to be buried you know the all these things so I ran out on a Wednesday and he passed away on a Sunday and on a Wednesday was when everything got done you know um and I don’t know how my body took it but I tell you that my faith truly sustained me yeah and I was able to get to the celebration of life I did his eulogy I stood up and my mother was like later she told me she said I I should have given you something you should have been on a pill I was like oh yeah drugged okay sure that’s gonna go real well and she goes but you just seem so at peace and I said well it’s because I I surrendered daily to God. I would talk it out with God who I knew loved me and I loved and I was so devoted to him and I felt seen and heard and understood kind of like what you guys are doing on the podcast right and I would just sit there and just ball my eyes I was always at five o’clock in the morning with my coffee of course because I had coffee to wake up at five and I would just it was so um healing for me to be able to get all the emotions out oh yeah though it was in anticipation and by the time he actually passed away I felt this peace wash over me because I I’d read a book that was so key to me um really coming to that place of peace and was written by John Burke and it was the um second book to his uh New York Times bestselling book of Imagine Heaven and it’s based on near death experiences clinical that people died and went to heaven and they all had the same experience and then came back to to talk about it and I pictured my father getting to heaven and having a committee of people there and him having a life review and feeling this enormous amount of love around him and that gave me peace. Yeah so that I could like move through this stage that was horrific to move through. Now my mom now from that experience she wants to leave things in such order so that me as an executor won’t be dealing with problems when she passes away which is a beautiful thing that she’s doing. So I’m like hoping and praying she doesn’t get dementia or any of that. You know she’s imperfect she never got her first age in orange so none of that’s gonna happen to her right but uh my dad was a different beast altogether on how that went down. But going back to your husband and you I think it’s it’s it’s beautiful that you’ve made time to communicate podcasts like books are very great healing spaces yeah for the hosts to be able to get everything out and just share share share kind of like you were talking at the beginning of the interview about social media about sharing your journey yeah it’s a way for us to process what’s happening right and to get a a loving and thriving community around us. Because when we go through major change and this is what I go through in my book in Faith I Thrive is turning points or opportunities for us to understand how our mind, our heart and our spirit are going to react to that change, right? And it’s best to surround ourselves with a thriving community of people that have our best interests at heart. Right. And so you can see it sometimes in social media who’s on your side and who’s not and those that are not it’s easy enough you just unfriend them and remove them or don’t include them in your groups or stuff right um and you’re very uh I’m very choosy now I don’t know about you but I’m very choosy about where I spend my time because it is so precious oh the amount of time I have left with my mother that you know periodically I’ll fly down just to be with her. Like just to hold her hand we’ll go shopping and have lunch. We had a drink the other day there’s a pinnaculada like just oh you’re laughing and laughing and laughing.
Yeah the dumbest things you know yeah it is moments that you have at the end and I totally agree with you like to uh in midlife or whatever chapter you’re going through is to be very mindful of where your attention is going and who you surround yourself with because where your attention goes your energy flows. So if you’re following people on social media that are just bringing you down or bringing up stuff or just you or you spend with people and you walk away for me it’s an energy thing it’s probably the same for you is when you walk away and you if you even when you’re tired and you spend time with those people and you leave and you feel like 10 times more energy that is who you should be hanging out with especially in times like this you should have you don’t need money but even if you have the one friend that’s like I see you I’m bringing you dinner I see that you’re overwhelmed like let me do this for you or I love you you need a hug. You know those are the people that you like even if it’s one to to have and I joke that one of my friends you know with with midlife comes like health things and all that stuff I was like everybody needs a Lindsay and that’s one of my tried and true ride or die from my childhood and it’s because there are those people that it’s just like you know that you leave and you feel yucky or you you watch them on something and you’re just like ugh I’m feeling fearful or just anxiety. It’s just I don’t have time for it. I try I tend to vibe high but I always joke that when you vibe high like you and I do there’s far away to fall right like it hurts and then I’ll remind you how to get back because and then it’s just like choosing a better thought choosing a better thought and like being just getting up and dusting off and it’s like okay getting out in nature and like I showed like that day when I was really in a bad way I felt like I love to make people happy and especially in parenting and then add in another aspect of an aging parent and you’re like nobody’s happy you know and then I’m like hey who’s who’s flying this plane? I am oh yeah okay so I need to be in a good state of mind and everyone else will follow and it’s just you realize how your energy will control a whole household and it’s a lot of pressure but it’s also like a huge gift of awareness. And so I really like you say with your 5 a.m you know like giving it to God I love that I feel like everybody should find their thing whatever that is I know I get out in nature when I walk um and and a lot of times that’s where I feel like I connect with God or sorts of you know like just really just feeling bigger I’m part of something way bigger than me.
But it’s that that part of self-care and I love hearing different people’s things are that get them back to them whether it’s a slow early morning alone coffee or the walk outside or exercises such a quick like pickleball pickleball I know you guys tell me so much and those months like right after he got it in August 2023 and then like all of like that latter part of 2023 up until early part of 2024 I played so much pickleball and I kept telling my husband it is the joy that is balancing out all this grief.
For sure got to balance it out and like who doesn’t feel better after banging that wiffle ball yeah I do it’s so therapeutic oh I I I feel you on that and yeah and it’s honoring because I really appreciate how I mean when I was 20 I I was in survival mode after losing my dad so I didn’t I wasn’t able it was so scary I never I didn’t even have the muscles to deal you know emotional muscles yet to deal with loss and it so it but it’s definitely you know I’ve it’s been awesome journey for me but I love when you can feel and just have those moments of being in wow this is hard wow this is a lot this is really sad I you know I’m losing this person. But then also remember that life is going on your life is going on and your children’s life and your husband’s life and your poor dog that’s like gaining so much weight life too. Yes I know and I my biggest thing is I’m always grateful. Like I am in full gratitude and especially with my husband every day he I am like I am so grateful for you. I am so grateful that you do this. I’m so grateful they you know and I I and he you know it’s that whole love languages right like and he loves words of affirmation I and I love giving it and so he he receives it well I give it well so that really helps and he knows and he know he it does make him feel really good that we are my mom is doing much better than she was doing in a retirement home because she’s amongst family and our our energy is so busy and light life giving and um but again that’s not for everybody.
When is she alert more because you mentioned sun downers and can we just quickly go over that term because I’m sure you have it in your in your book that’s a very particular term to Alzheimer’s patients.
Yes so that is when the sun goes down so in the evening they’re It’s like they’ve totally 180’d. Like some sundowners will try and leave or flee. Some like my mom will just kind of she’ll just is more tired. So like the mental capacity is not there. She’ll repeat herself incessantly. Or and again, it’s all unique to each situation, but it’s you’re just gonna see a lot different than you saw during the day. So when we plan any social activities, we just threw her 90th birthday party. I made sure it was before noon. You know, I didn’t even want it trickling into late afternoon. I just knew already it’s a big thing, she’d be emotionally exhausted. So I would say from like 10 to 2, she’s doing fantastic. And then outside of that, in the morning, it’s a little like, what day is it? What time is it? What, you know, and then she gets going, and then after that, she’s pretty tired, napping a little more on the like, just wouldn’t have a great conversation.
Um you mentioned a companion for her. Is that during the day or is that in the evening when she can get really, you know?
I’m so glad you brought that up. Honestly, the best life-giving thing I could have given myself. So uh I was full on her everything for a year. Um, I would take her, that’s when I was like taking her into Costco and Target, everything. And then I started getting busier with my working one-on-one with people and working with a lot of wealth managers with the book and then supporting their clients. And then I I was feeling guilty. I don’t want her, she can be alone, but I don’t want her sitting in a room watching TV all day. So there we looked into things and I was like, I don’t need a nurse because nurses are fantastic, but she doesn’t need physical care. She’s needed someone to hang out with and get her out. And so care.com has awesome, you can just put in adult sitter or companion. There’s wonderful, you don’t have to pay as much. But I lucked out because one of my good friends, her aunt, she’s like, Oh, that’s because when we were moving my mom in, I was like, Oh no, on Saturdays, I’m gone all day for sports. I’m like gone for six to eight hours. And she goes, That’s what my aunt does. So her name is Sally. I have written posts about her. She is the best. She takes I call them field trips. My mom, she takes my mom on field trips. They’re out. They would just went to Oktoberfest in a town nearby. I mean, people love them, they have a ball, they’re just they even go to the mall and sit and like on a bench and watch people, and people will talk to them. They do everything, they’ll go to the beach for the day. I mean, it is the best because they just go out and explore. And uh Sally’s winning because I would I would I don’t know how old Sally is, but I would imagine mid to late 60s. So here’s a woman who probably wouldn’t be working, but it’s a gift to her, it’s a gift to my mom. Everybody is winning. I mean, those are rare and awesome situations in life. So if you don’t have a Sally, there are some Sally’s on care.com and be really specific of what your wants and needs are. And they are just hanging out and having the best time and go to Panera for uh chicken noodle soup every day.
Like I do the tomato basil, but you know, okay. With the dipping the bread in. Oh, yes, it’s the best.
You’re making me hungry.
Yes. But if I wanted to get your let’s say I wanted to follow you on social media or I wanted to get a copy of your book, how do I find you?
How do I find it? Yeah, so um my my website is the sandwiched ed gen for you know, shortened. I wish I could get the sandwich generation, but it’s the sandwichgen.com. And then the book is forward slash you can get an ebook ebook, or there are physical books too. Ebook is quick and easy. Um, and then on social media, I’m under my name Barbara Stratt. Um, and it’s uh it’s an older name, Barbara B-A-R-B-A-R-A. And then Strat is S T R A T T E, but I’m on there, I put out reels every day about like tips and everything. And I’m also just like a pump up girl, your pocket cheerleader for all things in life. And then our podcast is middle age management podcast. So you can hear my husband and I on our allotted 30-minute date times of connecting and going through the funny, the messy, and the like thrill of it all, of all this sandwiched stuff.
Well, that’s wonderful. And I just want to thank you, Barbara, for being here on release out reveal purpose and um any last words of encouragement for my audience.
Yeah, I I just don’t want anyone to feel that they can’t share this with others. I do love that it’s being normalized. Please don’t ever feel alone. Allow, I think us as women are challenged sometimes to receive. Receive the help, receive the generous time of others just to even sit and listen to you uh and and really do when no one else is telling you, realize how awesome you are, how needed you are, and how appreciated you are. I think those are like so needed on a daily basis. So whatever you can do, if you need to write it on your mirror, whatever, just that reminder and to receive, please, please do that because it’s it’s a soul-giving gift on a daily basis.
I have loved our interview. It brought so many things full circle for me. And I just want to thank you for tuning in today, Barbara, and sharing your very vulnerable story, very uplifting story as well. And and just full of gems throughout the entire interview. That’s why I didn’t even ask certain questions. I was just so curious to keep the conversation going because it was like we were just having a coffee chat with each other, you know. Um, but I do appreciate and I’m in deep gratitude to you for the work you’re doing because it is bringing light to a situation that some of us don’t know how to deal with because we’ve never been in that position before, but are going to begin that chapter soon. And so I definitely will be looking you up on Facebook so I can follow your post on it since I do have my mother, and she is they well, she is turning 85 in about three weeks, and she’s throwing herself a party, which I don’t blame her because I was gonna do something secret for her. And then she said, Did I want to spend my money on me? And I’m like, Okay, well, you do that, and I’m just gonna back you up. I’m just going to buy you the things I wanted to get you or the cake, the favors, the flowers, which are my favorite parts, and the photographer. So you do the rest, I’ll do this. It’s no big deal, you know, and I’ll I’ll be there to celebrate you. And and so it’s been like really neat uh to have that friendship with her. Um, and this this conversation was very close to my heart uh and so for a lot of reasons. And I had just been this past week, for those listening, really missing my father to the point where I just was bawling at the beginning of this week. And my husband of a gym, like one night just came over and just hugged me. It was that’s all I needed. I did not need words of encouragement, and just hold me. And just it’s it’s fine. Like it’s grief and it’s gonna come in waves, yeah, and it’s okay to sit in it and allow it to come up because it’s just inside of you waiting to come up, right? And so um, I’m in deep gratitude to the work you do, and I’m in deep gratitude to the listeners of released out reveal purpose that allow me the privilege every week of interviewing experts like yourself and being able to speak on some of these topics from my own perspective. So, for the listeners, always remember to be the light. Be the light, like Barbara was the light and wrote her book, because this world needs you, and humanity needs you to step into your divine purpose on purpose. Have a wonderful week. Stay safe. Love you all. Bye now.
Thank you. So that’s it for today’s episode of Release Doubt Reveal Purpose. Head on over to iTunes or wherever you listen and subscribe to the show. One lucky listener every single week who posts a review on iTunes and we’ll win a chance to grand prize drawing to win a twenty-five thousand dollar private VIP day with Sylvia Worsham herself. Be sure to head on over to sylviaworsham.com and pick up a free copy of Sylvia’s gift and join us on the next episode.