Your life can look “fine” on the outside while an invisible pattern runs the whole show underneath. Today we get honest about the fear, doubt, worry, and control responses that kick in fast and leave us thinking, Why did I just do that? I’m joined by transformational coach Debbie Longo for a grounded, practical conversation about how patterns of behavior live in the subconscious mind and how we can finally bring them into the light.
Debbie explains the brain with a simple ROM and RAM metaphor: old learned behaviors get stored like programs on a hard drive, then a trigger pulls them into your conscious mind where you act them out automatically. We talk about why those patterns follow you everywhere, from marriage and parenting to leadership, sales, and team culture, and why blaming other people keeps you stuck. We also draw a bright line between what coaching can safely do and when it’s time to go deeper with a licensed therapist, especially around trauma work.
From there, we walk through how real behavior change happens: work backward from the reaction, name the emotion, identify the thought, and uncover the core belief. I share a personal story of how a childhood moment shaped my relationship with trust and control, and how reframing those beliefs with evidence and faith helped me build a new pathway. Debbie adds tools you can use immediately, including repetition, deep breathing, mantras, and short meditation practices that help your brain choose a new response.
If you’re ready to stop living on autopilot and start rewiring the patterns that sabotage your peace, press play, share this with a friend, and subscribe so you don’t miss what’s next. After listening, will you leave a review and tell us which pattern you’re choosing to change?
To connect or work with Debbie Longo, visit her website at lifeinbloomny.net or follow her Podcasts: The Internal Shift Show or Behavioral Profit Podcast
To download a free chapter of host Sylvia Worsham’s bestselling book, In Faith, I Thrive: Finding Joy Through God’s Masterplan, purchase any of her products, or book a call with her, visit her website at www.sylviaworsham.com
Transcript:
If you’ve never struggled with fear, doubt, and worry, I am wondering what your truck is all about. In this show, your host, Sylvia Warsham, will interview elite experts and ordinary people that have created extraordinary lives. So here’s your host, Sylvia Warsham.
Hey Lightbringers, it’s Sylvia Warsham. Welcome to Release Out Reveal Purpose. And today is Debbie Longo. She is going to be talking about patterns of behavior. These suckers don’t like to be seen, they like to happen underneath the surface. And as a certified life coach with the John Maxwell team, patterns teach us a lot of the way we’ve been programming our mind over time. Now, as a coach, I’m here to tell you patterns are here to stay until you identify them and understand what they’re doing and how you’ve programmed your mind over time. Patterns of behavior are like habits. They kick into super high gear when a feeling shows up. That feeling is the biggest clue your mind will give you. The biggest clue your subconscious mind will give you. And let me be clear about this. The subconscious mind is where the patterns exist and thrive, as do the habits, as do the feelings, as do the belief systems. When you’re talking about thoughts, thoughts is the conscious ability of your mind, choices and attitudes fall in this realm right there. What we want to do is we want to identify what beliefs and patterns are playing underneath in the background of our life, because it’s what’s giving us the current circumstances we live. Okay. Now, beliefs form early on, super early on in our life, as do patterns. Patterns come about very quickly in our mind because when trauma, when things happen in our life, good or bad, we form a belief. And some of these things happen as young as babies, you know, up until the age of seven is when these things get formed. And that’s how you’ve been operating since that age. And these patterns have been alive and thriving since that age. So you do the math. I’m turning 52 this year. So if I don’t identify my patterns of control, for example, and understand how they play a role in my relationships and my health and my mindset and my career, they continue to do that behind the scenes. Now Debbie is here. This is what her mission’s work is. She works with patterns, she works to identify them. This is what she does for a living. So without further ado, Debbie, thank you so much for joining us. I will least our reveal purpose.
Thanks for having me. I really appreciate it.
I appreciate having you on. And I know you have a story to share with us on how control and patterns of control really controlled your life until you became aware of them. So could you honor us with your story?
Right. So thank you for that question. That’s a very good question. Um I had a very, I was at a low point in my life at one time, and I had a very low bottom with depression and a few other things. And I met a woman through a friend, and she wound up to be my spiritual teacher for 21 years about, and then she passed away in 2021 of stage four cancer. So now I’m on my own, which is fine because we had worked together, and she said that I have a gift that I can go out now and help others and do the same thing that she did to me, you know, that she was helping me with, the same exact way that she did it. Now, we didn’t call her a coach at the time, this was a very long time ago, but that would be what she was equivalent to be, right? But she did things, I do things differently than the way she does it, but it’s you know, it’s very, very similar. And that was really how I started the business. And then um, like I said, that was around 2021, and then COVID came, okay, and then um after that, then um businesses and stuff started going out of business because of COVID, because they blamed COVID and they blamed everything else, when that’s not really what the issue what the problem was. So that’s how I started, and then I really started helping business owners and individuals and stuff, and that’s that’s really how I started everything, really, in a nutshell.
Well, depression’s a big heavy thing to come out of, and what a blessing that you encountered this woman that would have been a coach in in years past. We all get gifts from our Lord, you know, we all get gifted in a very particular way, and how we share that story is how others on the other side of this interview need to receive it. And that’s why you and I have been called to identify what these patterns are, what they’re here to teach us, and how we can identify them.
So can you unpack this for us, Debbie?
So I just want to explain this. You had mentioned how the brain works with the conscious mind. So I want to explain it. It’s the same way that you’ve talked, that you’ve just explained it, just in a little different words, if that’s okay. Sure. Um, we have every computer has a hard drive and a soft drive, RAM memory and ROM, right? Not all computers have that anymore because we have chips, so I might be dating myself. But the point is that the ROM holds the memory, and this pretty much works the same way in a chip too. The ROM holds the memory of the back end where all of the programs and everything in the computer stores. So when I pull up, let’s say a Word doc or something, you know, a program or something that I want to pull up on the computer, it goes from the ROM memory to the RAM memory. And then that’s a that allows the the program or whatever to pull up on the computer. So the the there’s very little information that’s stored in the RAM memory. So what happens is when over time, like you were talking about, you know, seven years old or whatever, over time there’s learned behavior, right? There’s behavior that I’m born with, certain behaviors, not that many. Most behavior is learned behavior. So over time, a lot of that behavior, whether I’m practicing it or not, it doesn’t matter. Even if I just learned it once or twice, or it was just a brief thing, it doesn’t matter. Everything gets stored into the ROM, into the um subconscious mind, which would be the ROM memory. And then it goes when something comes up, it could something could trigger it. I mean, that’s that could be anything. There’s a million different examples of this. Then it goes from the ROM, that behavior, it goes from the ROM memory to the RAM. And that goes from the subconscious mind to your conscious mind, and now you act out, okay, on whatever that is. So we’re talking about negative behavior, right? There’s positive behavior too. But you know, we’re talking about patterns and you know, changing patterns and different things, right? So this is really what we’re talking about here. So the negative behavior where I automatically comes up, right? But here’s the thing: how do I change that behavior where it’s not in the ROM memory anymore, right? Because, like even on a computer, if you delete a program, it’s still there. It could potentially be still there, you know, so it’s really complicated, right? So one of the ways that I teach it is repetition. And that we don’t know if it comes you know, if it totally comes out of your brain, right? But we don’t we don’t want it to show up. We don’t want the the issue and the behavior and the problem just to keep repeating, okay? So one of the things is because repetition, anybody could learn it. You don’t need a master’s degree to practice repetition, you know, you don’t need to be of some type of intelligence level. It’s not academic, okay? It’s very, very simple and anybody could do it, but it’s not that simple really, because it has to be done over it. It’s like brushing your teeth. Yes. When I wake up, do I think, oh, I’m gonna brush my teeth? No, I wake up and I brush my teeth. It’s like taking a shower. I wake up, I take a shower. I don’t think about these things, right? I don’t think, oh, I have this behavior in my raw memory, right? And then it’s gonna go into you know, in my subconscious, then it goes into my conscious. No, I don’t do that. I just think and I act out, right? So we’re trying to change these patterns. So whether we’re talking about personal, uh, you know, a family, a spouse, children, or whatever, and then then we’re gonna go into business. Now, here’s the thing the behavior is the behavior. It doesn’t matter where you are, the outside forces don’t matter. So if I learn that behavior in my home, I’m gonna carry it into my job, and vice versa.
Yeah, most people don’t think that. They really they think quite the opposite. Oh, I can control it. No, no, no. This is a subconscious reaction. This is not you’re thinking about it and you’re reacting. This is automatic.
Let me explain and pause right here so the listeners understand what I mean. The subconscious works automatically, it spits it out quicker than you can stop it. Okay, so to give an uh a perspective, I shared this perspective on the previous interview. You’re driving your car and you arrive where where you were going, and then you don’t remember how you got there. That’s the subconscious mind doing that kind of work, and it’s terrifying because it remembers certain things, like, oh, when she’s going down this boulevard, she always makes her right here, and it just it’s automatic. This is why it is important to sit and look at these things and try to understand why you are behaving in this way. What is causal? What is that number one? What is that trigger? The feeling usually gives you the biggest clue. I’m gonna break it up for the listeners as well. So here’s something happened in your past, it created a belief. That belief promotes the thought, the thought promotes the feeling. The feeling has patterns of behaving, right? And habits that you formed around this pattern of behaving, and then however you’re reacting to these situations is what you’re currently living. This is why you’re stuck in those circumstances. So we got to work backwards and understand, okay, this pattern is showing up. What was the trigger? Where did I feel that trigger? Because when you feel it the next time, you’ll be able to stop it consciously. This is where the conscious ability of the mind can come in and interrupt that pattern and say, uh-uh-uh, where do you think you’re going? I don’t think so. Uh, but you got to be aware of these things. So that’s why sometimes clarity plays a role, but it’s not the main role. The main role is understanding that behavior. So, can you uh help us understand these behaviors? How many have you seen? How many of these patterns have you seen out there in your work, Debbie?
I mean, there’s a lot, and you know, like I, you know, promote myself as going from negative to positive and changing, um, getting rid of all of that negativity, right? So there’s behavior control, like in a business control, um fear, manipulation, different things like that. And then I can carry that to my home. But even in like the home, you know, I want to be able to control my children. And the fact is that everybody has the ability to think for themselves. So nobody can literally control anybody. It’s just that the person allows it, right? So these behaviors now the patterns are different for everybody. And what I do is I custom make a program that is specific to that person, right? Because it’s a little complicated, and the way that you said it is perfect because we have to go backwards, because you know, we’re not like hypnotherapists or psychics or anything, you know, where we could go like, you know, straight into your subconscious mind, you know, and pull things out. That’s not possible, you know, even we’re not trained, and we’re not trained, right?
We’re not trained to do that. Only the the psychotherapists are trained to get into the mind and be able to pull it back up into the present moment because it’s really dangerous to and I want to let me stop and say for those coaches that are doing that, do not do that because we are not trained and we are not certified to do that. And when you can actually get yourself in trouble by and lose your certification if people report you, because it is a liability for us to do that. Uh, that’s why therapists exist, and that’s why they are trained in EMDR and very specific therapies to be able to take people back into traumatic events in their mind to understand what neural pathways have formed. These automatic responses are in the form of grooves and neural pathways, and they’re only trained, they’re the only ones that are trained to do this kind of work. Them and psychiatrists that know how to do this um, this level of work. So please continue, Debbie. I just wanted to kind of put that little.
Yeah, that’s exactly what I
was gonna say, because I say that I can only teach you and um help you develop a plan going so far because I’m not a therapist. And, you know, if you wanna know more or you want to go deeper, then you could go see a therapist, then you could see me. You know, I don’t have a problem. I always promote therapy, I love it. You know, I went to therapy for a long time, you know. You do? I’m still in therapy, right? Yeah. I know. Well, I’m not right now, but I was for a long time. But the point is that that is the first thing I say, so they know, you know, pretty much right off the bat. But like I was saying, the patterns, you the only way that I could really do it, and the best way for me to really do it, is like you said, the I want to know what they’re doing right now. I want to know what they’re thinking, I want to know what their behaviors are, and I want to know how they’re reacting to certain situations. So here’s what happens, okay? The theory, and let’s hope this happens, is that when you change the mindset, like I said, when you have the information in your subconscious, it transfers to your conscious, right? So if you change that mindset and you keep repeating it, every time it goes into your conscious, you automatically cancel that out, that behavior, and you automatically take that and it goes from a negative to a positive. So then when you get it, it you never act out on it. You basically don’t even know that it’s there. So your brain is automatic, it’s just constantly saying, you know, this is this is negative. I don’t want this. Now let’s we’re gonna do this instead. Okay, so all you’re doing is you’re transferring a thought, a memory, right? And then you’re literally allow you’re literally learning how to control your mind instead of your mind controlling you. Okay, because now you’re saying we’re not gonna do this. And that’s all that it is, right? It’s just changing the behavior. And this has been such an issue because the business owners and managers, and even if you’re a spouse, it doesn’t matter. Everybody, tons of people point the finger. You are the problem. You made me this way. I’m getting a divorce because you’re yelling at me, because I can’t take you because of the way that you act to me. That’s why you’re getting I’m getting a divorce. Um, my my my business is not doing good because all of my employees are quitting. And that’s the reason why it’s not doing good. That’s the reason why I’m losing sales and profits. I keep hiring employees and they keep quitting. So the problem is the employees, not me. So I’m constantly pointing the finger. And when I do that, I can’t look at myself. And we wanna make be able to decide what you know if we want to do this, that’s fine. But the first thing that I look at and that I ask is, which most of the time they have it if they’re on a call with me, but the most important thing is that they need to create the willingness. So they need to be willing to even look at is could the problem potentially be me, or maybe I’m right, maybe I’m wrong, maybe I’m just gonna see what she has to say, what a coach or a therapist or somebody, I’m not gonna promote myself, although of course I will, but the point is that, you know, of course I’m gonna say people need a coach, right? But the point is there’s other things to do, right? So, because to me this is more about helping, you know, helping people, educating people. Yeah. So I could uh hopefully I could potentially say, let me see what this person has to say, even though I’m not really sure what’s gonna happen. I don’t know what it’s about, I don’t know what that means, you know, changing my behavior, creating the willingness. I have no idea, you know. So I’m having a little bit of an open mind, or I know, and I might say to myself, you know, I know there’s a problem, and I definitely have the willingness to change. And that’s the most important thing because the person’s the one that’s doing the work. I give people work, I don’t I don’t do things for people.
No, well, and that’s not a coach. That’s not a coach, and and here’s the difference between a mentor and a coach. Huge difference. Mentor guide sometimes will provide the examples and the work to a degree, versus the coach is gonna ask the question, and the person on the other side has to do the work because here’s what’s happening, and this is this is why you do the work. Your mind needs to find a new groove, a new process. When the coach asks the question, and you’re being forced to look within for those answers, the brain then starts to create a new pathway of thinking of this, saying, Okay, let’s work backwards. Okay, here’s the behavior. All right, something triggered that behavior. What was that trigger? Okay, now is there an emotion stuck to this thing, like something that can alert me quicker? Right? Okay, oh, it was doubt. Okay, now where could that doubt come from? What was I doing when that doubt showed up? What was I thinking? And then you start reframing those, like, okay, those thoughts were this, and writing down the thought. Okay, what belief could be at the core, like deriving that thought? What do I believe to be true about this circumstance or about myself? The I am statements, right? Ah, where could that come from? That’s what you start to do, and so then when you unlock where that came from, then as coaches, what we do, and this is and Debbie will share what she does with her coaching clients, but I’m gonna share what I do with mine. Once I see where that thing came from, it’s then okay, the thoughts are the ones promoting that feeling, right? So you need to stop it at the thought, completely stop, and that is your conscious ability of your mind, right? So you take that thought and then you reframe it. And then in my coaching practice, because I’m a spiritual transformative coach, I bring in scripture. So here’s how that goes. I have a thought. Let’s just say, uh, give me a thought, buddy. Any thought. I’m a loser or uh I I don’t know.
I’m ugly. Okay.
Okay, I can identify with that one actually. So I’m ugly. Reframe as I’m beautiful, I’m I’m I’m a child of God, I’m beautiful. He I’m fearfully and wonderfully made, could be the scripture that can come in. I’m the daughter of a king, and he doesn’t create crap, he creates beauty and love.
So, and when you are reframing the thought. I want you to come up with evidence in your life that proves that you’re ugly. Whoever told you that? You know? Like what’s the evidence in your life? Can you prove that right now?
Like who who told you that or did you tell yourself that?
No, my mother told me that.
See?
A lot a lot.
A lot. But then your mother was also a fallible human being who probably had some abuse in her background. And I’m sure you’ve already dug into that one. Because I dug into why I had trauma or why I couldn’t trust myself to make the right decision because of a trauma that I incurred when I was seven with my dad. So we’re on a trip for those listening. Now we’re gonna do this in the perspective to give you some real life examples. Okay, so I’m seven years old. We’re on trip outside of Mexico City. I’m very stubborn child. I put my hands on my hips and my dad had woke us up at 5 a.m. We were on vacation, we were on vacation. My mother’s family home in Mexico City, and he promised us we would see snow. And we’re kids from South Texas, we’ve never seen snow. And so I want to see snow. And halfway up the summit, everybody gets dizzy. And my dad, being a surgeon, wants us all to go right back down the summit because it’s dangerous. But I put my hands on my hips and was, you promised us we would see snow. And I demand and demand and demand. I’m the oldest, and my baby sister’s two, and my brother’s six, and we’re really extended family. And some of us really want to see the summit. So then he’s like, Okay, fine. He goes into my demands. My mother climbs back down with my aunt and a bunch of other people that were getting, you know, blood pressure issues and what have you. And we keep climbing and we play with us now until we’re our fingers are rigid and raw. But then my little sister gets cold. She’s not wearing it, she took off her gloves, she sticks her hands in her pockets of her jacket and the old jackets from long ago that had the zippers. And for some reason, her little pudgy hands get stuck in there, and she starts walking down the summit where dad is with a bunch of family members, and she loses her footing. She’s two, and she rolls down, and we’re we’re in high elevation in Mexico City, right? We come from South Texas, there’s no elevation there, so blood pressure and things are very dangerous for little kids. She hits her head, and you see this pool of blood and this shriek in in you know, in the middle of a fun day, and I run and I look at my sister, and I’m scared because you know she’s bleeding, and her curls are now soaked in blood, and my father looks at me, and in his fear, his anger comes out. It’s a reaction, it’s a behavior, a pattern of behavior of security seeker.
He needs to be in control because he comes from an abusive home, a father who used to beat him up. He doesn’t like that feeling of losing control, so his anger is the reaction, and he looks at me and he goes, If your sister dies, it will be your fault.
And I’m seven, and no one explains to me that that’s just a pattern of behaving that he doesn’t mean it. But I take it as my truth, and in that moment I a belief gets formed.
I don’t trust myself to make the right decision, and I’m seven, and it follows me from the age of seven to the age of whenever I discovered it.
How old was I when I became a certified coach? See, that was 17. So you did it somewhere in my 40s, and for those years I’m carrying this belief, and anytime doubt shows up, the pattern of security seeker comes out, guns are blazing, and I control every bit of my circumstances because if I lose control, somebody dies, and it’s gonna be my fault. Does everybody now understand how these patterns work? They’re so automatic. Why do we want to understand them? Do you really want to carry this inside of you and project it everywhere you go? Because it projects in ways that you will never even imagine. In my case, it came out of my finances when I couldn’t trust myself to make the right decision. I kept my money in a bank and I wouldn’t invest it. That’s silly. That’s silly, you know. But once I understood how that was showing up in my life and I would provide evidence of how that was so wrong, then I could move forward from that. And it’s a it’s a minor shift. It’s not this big to do. But what does it require?
You’ve got to at least sit with these patterns and understand them. Right, Debbie?
Yeah, so the thing is there’s a few very good points there, and um like we were talking about, the idea is changing the pattern of behavior. But the thing with the generations and the parents and stuff is hindsight is 2020. So they knew they did what they knew and they couldn’t go beyond that. But what we’re really ultimately one of the things that we’re trying to do here is yeah, we’re talking about the patterns of behavior changing, but we don’t have to repeat that same behavior that we learned from our parents or whoever raised us, right? And you know, you did, you did in your own way, and then you changed, or whatever, however, your your path or your process was, and that’s fine. But anybody can change it right this second. And all of this is all learned behavior, and I’m not a psychologist, okay? And you could look up, this is not real difficult stuff, you know. You would look this up on the internet. There’s tons of stuff about this that you could even read a research paper, you know, any individual, you know what I mean, could read a research paper. Nobody’s diagnosing anybody here, you know, we’re just having conversations, you know. And the the one one thought, right, one negative thought or this pattern of behavior, whatever we’re talking about here, is gonna come up, right? And we’re trying to get rid of it. So we’re trying to create, like you had said, a separate pathway. And every in your brain, and again, you could look this up on the internet, you could find it easily. In your brain, anybody’s mind, we have different pathways. We have different patterns of thinking. And when we do this, we go from negative to positive, all these different things, right? That we’re talking about here. We’re all creating different pathways, different patterns. And that is really what’s happening in our brain. And then now that one pathway of negativity pretty much doesn’t exist anymore because it can come back. We don’t know if it will or not. I don’t know what you know what I mean. I don’t know what’s inside your brain and how it works, but it doesn’t matter because we’ve created that new pathway, okay, and this is what we want to go on to, you know. So these are there’s a few other things that you were talking about. There’s, you know, there’s a bunch of different things here. But the point is that regardless of the the the the way that you were talking about about the um the system, you know, the process about your emotions and all these different things, right? How you did it, how you do it, right? Is that for me, my experience has been that this stuff comes out automatically. If I and I don’t know how it happens, I don’t sometimes I ask the question, but a lot of times I don’t. So they’ll say so I’ll say, you know, let’s get rid of this pattern, this behavior, this negativity, whatever it is, and then we do a lot of work to change it. And then they say, Oh, you know, this came from anger, and I don’t even know, I didn’t even know that. And they just say it like pretty much out of nowhere, you know, it just pops up, right? This came from anger, and this anger came from my childhood and was this specific example, you know, and I was never able to get out of that. I was never, you know, and then like one thing goes to another, and then after they’re done with three sentences, you could see a pattern of 25 years of behavior. Like it’s like clear as day. Like if you tell anybody that they will understand it. It’s not, it’s not the way they explain it is so clear, you know. And then I’m like, oh, okay, that’s nice. You know, sometimes I say, Do you want to write that down? I do some little bit different things similar to what you do, but you know what a mantra is.
Yes. So I do mantras, I do breathing. This is all stuff that I teach. Deep breathing. Okay, and then if they want to breathe is very good, just breathing alone will change your life. And then if they want to do meditation, you know, a light meditation, I could teach them a one-minute meditation or a 30-second meditation where it’s breathing first, and then you say a mantra, or you repeat a positive statement, or whatever. I mean, there’s there’s tons of ways that I teach this, right? So these are some of the things that I do that really help help the person, the individual, the client, and that goes way beyond just plain old coaching, way beyond just talking to the person and trying to find the solution. Way beyond, oh, this is my 10-point plan, you know, and I’m not trying to, you know, downplay or degrade any coach, you know, or anybody that’s in this field, but I do it a specific way, and you do it a specific way too, right? And like I said, it’s sim it’s a little different, but it’s pretty, pretty similar. You know, when you get down to the meat of it, you know, we both do it a pretty similar way, and we both get very similar results. Yes. And that’s right, and that’s very interesting because if I’m trying to sell something, I was talking about this in the other podcast yesterday, a 10-point plan, this and that, this and that, then I created a box. Yeah, and that client now has to fit into that box. Well, in order for me to help that client, and that creates a situation where not only I could help certain clients, but I could only do certain things. I only have one way of teaching, and that really limits the it could be a coach, a therapist, anybody, you know what I mean, in any field, you know, even doctors do this, okay? And that limits them. And when I my goal is to help people, so I don’t want to be limited.
But there’s people that you’re meant to work with, Debbie, that your story lands in a way that they needs to be landed in that way for them to get empowered to do this work. Does that make sense? Because this is where I find that sometimes coaches feel like they have to be in competition with other coaches. And to me, I don’t see it as competition, even though you and I are working in similar pathways. Um, because my journey is similar to some of the journeys that other people have. And what I the the trials and tribulations that I face, like for example, you had depression. I’ve never had depression. Your mother called you ugly. I had a bad relationship with my dad, right? My mother was my light. My father was the the one that I struggled with the most. And um luckily I listened to God in 2020 of all years to write my first manuscript that forced me to sit down and see these patterns of behaving and these beliefs for what they were. Lies that my mind had created over time as stuff that were once truths when I was a little kid to protect me, because the pattern was there to protect me from the pain and feeling pain, but now it’s standing in my way. And I needed to sit with those identities and just say, Thank you so much for what you taught me. I mean, I learned so much, but now it’s time to let you go because it sabotages my joy in my present moment and it’s not real for me anymore. It used to be, but it’s not real now. And it’s shifted, right? So I see it as more as co-collaborators than anything, where we pull each other’s essence out so that the people on the other side of this interview will get, yeah, we’re gonna have different people wanting to work with different coaches because they relate to you more and they can see themselves in you more versus me, right? And vice versa. And that’s how we all are one as a human race. We’re not us versus them. I just don’t see any divisions anymore. I see it like the way the astronauts saw it in this latest mission. They said that when they looked at the big blue planet, there was no divisions, no lines, no boundaries. It was just a blue planet in the midst of this vastness. And I kind of see us that way as a human race. You know, we’re there to co-collaborate and to make each other better. And if we work together, we’re unstoppable. It’s when we resist it. When we, you know, resist any of this. It it’s a problem because it just wants to be seen and recognized for what it’s trying to teach you.
Yeah, so that’s good. So once I developed to become on a certain spiritual plane, I realize that, which is more spiritual than I was, basically, I realized that or I knew that whoever comes to me, client or friend or whoever, is meant, we’re talking about clients here, right? Is meant to come to me, specifically me, and that’s it. It’s like the universe pointed a finger at them, and then they pointed a finger at me, and then they said, Come to her. So for that reason, and again, this is just my experience, for that reason, I really don’t need to do that much of advertising, social media, different things like that, because when I do that and I’m not downplaying or trying to insult anybody, no, I do that, it becomes more of an advertising and a competition thing, like you said, right? But this depends on the type of spirituality. I’m not talking about religion, I’m not talking about God. If you want to do that, that’s perfectly fine. But it this type of spirituality that I have developed mostly, mostly, well, I mean, from a lot of things, but working with people and having clients is a big thing. It’s a big part of it, right? And this type of spirituality that I developed helped me grow spiritually. And then now I see that I don’t need to do that, right? That I know for a fact that people that are just meant to come to me and they will accept my coaching and my plan and my, you know, you know, outline or whatever it is that I give them, right? Because it’s genuinely, genuinely meant to be in a certain way, and the universe or my higher power or whoever you want to say it, literally gives that person to me. Like I’m giving you a present. Okay, that’s not something that you’re gonna say, I don’t want it, I’m gonna give it back to you. Yeah, you know. It’s a gift, it’s a gift you’re receiving. Exactly. If I allow it, that’s the thing. If I a if I fight it and I only want to do certain things, then it’s gonna be hard.
Yeah. And when there’s resistance, you know that in fact, I’m gonna reframe this a little bit different. I was under the coaching of this lady in 2023, and she goes, she said something that triggered a certain response in me. And she actually said, You’re welcome.
I was like, Well, it’s interesting because you want the pattern to be seen. Because the pattern sometimes doesn’t like to be seen, it likes to wreak havoc underneath the surface.
It it’s very rarely seen. So when you trigger it to come to the surface as a coach, that’s our job too. It’s kind of like asking these questions, and sometimes it triggers the response in them. And it’s it’s not gonna be sometimes a good response, but it gives us information. And when we are coaches, we stay curious to that information of like, huh, I wonder what triggered that response. And then you ask them, what do you think triggered that response in you? And they may not have the answer right away, and they don’t need to. They want to understand it. Um, coming from the high achieving world, and I was a high achiever, they they love to just do, do, do and not really pause for presence. They they don’t embody these things. So they they they’re burning themselves out horribly, and then their light gets dim when they go into these major pivotal moments that can keep them stuck. So, my role is to get them out of that pivotal moment and into their divine calling and divine identity where things are in full alignment. They’re not you’re not fighting this. Life becomes simpler, actually. And even though you still have trials and tribulations, even in those times, you find joy. How do you do that? You know, and it’s it’s because in my case, I’m in total relationship with Christ Himself, and He’s there to guide me, and I’ve depended on Him for small things, even when things are like, okay, I’ve been thinking about something for hours and it’s driving me crazy. And I’m just like, you know what? Help me out. Can you can you help clarify what I’m looking for here? And all of a sudden the answer like pops up somewhere with you in an interview or something a podcast guest says, and it just all of a sudden goes click in my head, and then it’s done.
But um any last words of encouragement, Debbie, that you want to leave the listeners with, and if somebody wanted to work with you in Florida or elsewhere, how can we find you?
Yeah, so there’s no such thing as a negative situation because any negative problem or scenario or abusive situation or anything like that can always be turned into a positive. But what I want to do is the past is the past. I don’t want to look at that. If that comes out, that’s fine. But right now I want to put my foot down and say, I can do this right this second, I can change, I can do, you know, you know, um uh be open to or willing to have a coach, you know, or whatever path, whatever venue I pick for changing, and I have the willingness to do this right now, I can make a change right this second. And that’s what I want to do is I want to be able to live in now and say, from now on going forward, I’m gonna be a completely different person because I don’t want to comp repeat the same pattern, and there’s no reason why that I should. You know, I could change anytime, I could be 75 years old. People say this all the time. Oh, I’m too old, I’m never gonna, I’m always gonna be the same. That’s not true. You know, I know people that are 85 years old that completely changed change their thinking and everything, you know, so it’s just a matter of wanting to change and creating the willingness. That’s the most important thing. So I have a website, it’s called Life in Bloom, L-I-F-E-I-N-B-L-O-O-M-N-Y for New York dot net. And that’s where everything is. I also have LinkedIn. You can put my name in, Debbie Longo, and we’ll come right up. Transformational coach, it’ll come right up. So you could contact me that way also. I have two podcasts, the internal shift show and behavioral profit. And one’s for business, one’s for personal. That’s basically what I mean, it’s a little more to it than that, but that’s basically what it is. So you can also be a guest on my show, you know. So there’s a bunch of different things that we can do here. But I mean, I could go on, but you know, we obviously only have a certain amount of time. But that’s just this is just an overall, I think, you know, very, very brief conversation about, you know, coaching, you know, overall. And you know, if you want to start, I mean, you know, I think we said some really basic stuff, believe it or not.
Yes.
Basic relational and relatable tips that people can use today to start to shift and or Seek help to you can make those shifts as well.
So for my listeners to release that reveal purpose, you know how to usually sign off is to remember Matthew 5.14 to be the light, be your own light, step into this world with confidence. God has gifted you a spirit, not of timidness, but of power, love, and self-discipline. So you got what it takes already inside of you to make this happen. And when I say you were fearfully and wonderfully made, you are. You are very loved by Him. Remember first and foremost who you are in Him. And from that space, you seriously are unstoppable. There’s so much capacity within you. Um, and all we’re here to do, Debbie and I, is to help you guide you out of out of these ways of thinking, you know, and of behaving, really, and and moving forward in your life so you can really embody the peace, love, and joy that you’ve been seeking uh for a long time. So for those, Debbie, thanks so much for joining us on Released Out Reveal Purpose. And to the rest of you, have a wonderful and blessed rest of your day.
Thank you for having me on the show. I really appreciate it.
It’s been my pleasure. Have a wonderful week, everybody. Bye now.
Thanks.
So that’s it for today’s episode of Released Out Reveal Purpose. Head on over to iTunes or wherever you listen and subscribe to the show. One lucky listener every single week who posts a review on iTunes. We’ll win a chance the grand prize drawing to win a $25,000 private VIP day with Sylvia Worsham herself. Be sure to head on over to sylviaworsham.com and pick up a free copy of Sylvia’s gift and join us on the next episode.