What makes betrayal different from every other form of trauma? According to Dr. Debbie Silber, it’s the shattering of trust by the people who were supposed to keep us safe. After experiencing devastating betrayals from her family and husband, Dr. Silber didn’t just survive—she transformed her pain into purpose by studying betrayal at the PhD level.
Her groundbreaking research with over 100,000 participants revealed three critical discoveries that changed everything we know about healing from betrayal. First, betrayal trauma fundamentally differs from other losses because it feels intentional and personal, requiring a unique healing approach. Second, betrayal creates a constellation of physical, mental, and emotional symptoms so common they’re now known as Post-Betrayal Syndrome—including gut issues, fatigue, inability to focus, and most devastatingly, an 84% rate of trust issues.
The most powerful revelation was her third discovery: a predictable five-stage journey that maps the exact path from devastation to complete transformation. Most people get stuck in Stage 3 (survival mode), where they’ve learned to cope but haven’t truly healed. They might continue patterns of emotional eating, relationship sabotage, or isolation for decades without realizing these behaviors stem from unhealed betrayal wounds.
“Time won’t heal betrayal. A new relationship won’t heal it. The only thing that will heal it is deliberately and intentionally healing it,” Dr. Silber explains. True healing begins when we acknowledge we can’t undo what happened but can control what we do with it—like rebuilding after a tornado has leveled your house. Why rebuild the exact same structure when you can create something even more beautiful?
Through her Post Betrayal Transformation Institute, Dr. Silber’s work has helped thousands move through all five stages to complete healing. Whether your betrayal happened last week or decades ago, her research-based roadmap offers hope that not just recovery, but profound transformation awaits on the other side of betrayal.
Ready to discover which stage you’re in? Visit thepbtinstitute.com to learn more about Dr. Silber’s work and begin your journey toward post-betrayal transformation.
Transcript:
Speaker 1:
If you’ve ever struggled with fear, doubt or worry and wondering what your true purpose was all about, then this podcast is for you. In this show, your host, sylvia Worsham, will interview elite experts and ordinary people that have created extraordinary lives. So here’s your host, sylvia Worsham.
Speaker 3:
Hey Lightbringers, it’s Sylvia Worsham. Welcome to Released Out Revealed Purpose. And today is Dr Debbie Silver and she is going to be sharing her amazing story of transformation. Welcome so much, dr Debbie.
Speaker 2:
Thank you so much, looking forward to our conversation.
Speaker 3:
Where are you hailing from, right?
Speaker 2:
now San Diego. I’m by coastal between New York and San Diego, so every couple of weeks I’m in one place or the other.
Speaker 3:
That’s amazing, and I don’t know how you do that, because most of us struggle just to stay in one spot. I can’t imagine going by coastal like that. But you know what, to each his own and it probably works really well for you. So, for those listeners of Released Out Revealed Purpose, you’re in for a real treat. She’s going to share with us an amazing story of transformation and I can’t wait to dive in there. So, without further ado, Dr Debbie, why don’t you dive in there, introduce yourself to our audience members and share with us how you got to what you’re, how you’re, how you arrived to this moment in time?
Speaker 2:
Yeah, thank you. I’m the founder of the PBT post betrayal transformation Institute. As well as national forgiveness day, we celebrate that every year September 1st. You don’t study something like betrayal unless you have to. So I’m in business 33 years. It was health, and then mindset, and then personal development.
Speaker 2:
I had a really painful betrayal from my family. I thought I did all I needed to do to heal from that and then it happened again a few years later. This time it was my husband that was the deal breaker, got him out of the house, looked at the two experiences, thinking what’s similar to these two? Of course me, but what else? And I realized I never took my own needs seriously. It was all about everybody else. So I decided that you know, if nothing changes, nothing changes.
Speaker 2:
So here it was four kids, six dogs, a thriving business, and I always went to like books or courses to help me through things. But there really wasn’t anything I could find on betrayal. So I decided to study this at the PhD level and I enrolled in a PhD program and while I was there I did a study and honestly, I just went through this program to help me heal. And then my clients, of course my kids. And while I was there I did a study and I studied betrayal. And that study led to three groundbreaking discoveries which changed my health, my family, my work, my life.
Speaker 3:
Amazing. I know how divine purposes are really interesting things, aren’t they? Like we start off with one idea in our mind and then we end up having these major turning points that just kind of shift our attention into a different realm that we didn’t even consider. And then, because you find like on books and you think, oh, you’re going to find all the answers, but sometimes it’s really digging in inwardly.
Speaker 3:
And I found that profound in what you discussed, and so I really want to dive a little bit deeper into that profound discovery, because most people look outward for their answers. I mean, we started to right. You said books and articles and everything, but there was probably something that pointed to you to say no, this is not the way you’re going to get around this.
Speaker 2:
Exactly, and it was one of those journeys. First of all, betrayal is one of the most painful of the human experiences. I mean, think about it. This was the person, these were the people who gave us a sense of safety and security. So when this is the person, or these are the people to take that very sense of safety and security away, it’s traumatizing. And so there’s so much uncertainty, there’s so much fear, there’s so much confusion, because your entire worldview is completely shattered. So it was really through that confusion that I just allowed myself to be completely led. But I remember a moment going through the study, and it was this flash and I just felt that I have no idea how I’m going to heal from this, but if I do, I’m meant to do, and this is what I must do, and it’s almost like a light goes off inside of us and there’s nothing that can stop us moving.
Speaker 3:
I don’t know if you’ve ever felt that moving into this.
Speaker 2:
Exactly with this. I mean here, it was especially when the third discovery showed up. I mean, here was a predictable, research-based roadmap to heal from all of it. So when that showed up and when my study, the chairperson of my study, said Debbie, I believe you’ve discovered a process here. Now, how do you keep something like that to yourself Right Now? How do you keep something like that to yourself Right? So if I can shorten someone’s learning curve by 10, 20, 30, 40 years, and I was too ashamed or too afraid or too scared, I mean it just didn’t feel right like gossip. It doesn’t get better than gossiping about betrayal. So that was a really, really hard one, because how do you put aside your own fear, your own insecurity, your own doubts, your own everything for a message that’s so much bigger than you? But that’s what happened and I’m happy to share the discoveries if you want to hear them.
Speaker 3:
I actually do. I was wondering if you were willing to open up about them here and then people could really get to know you and really want to work with you, especially if they are facing major betrayal, because people need as much help as they can get. Oh yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2:
And this is when I say betrayal, I’m talking about a family member, a partner, a friend, a coworker, self. I mean, the ones that get us the most are the family members and the partners, the friends. Actually, in the beginning of my study I was studying friends as well, but they don’t have as big of an impact as the family members and the partners. Those are the ones that get us the most. They infuriate us, they create lots of symptoms as well, but not to the same extent. Anyway, so the first discovery was I had a feeling that betrayal was a different type of trauma than other types of traumas. I’d been through death of a loved one, I’d been through disease, but I didn’t want to assume it was the same for all my study participants. So I asked them if you’ve been through other traumas besides betrayal. Does it feel different for you? Unanimously they said it’s so different.
Speaker 2:
And here’s why Because it feels so intentional. We take it so personally. So the entire self gets shattered rejection, abandonment, belonging confidence, worthiness, trust, abandonment, belonging confidence, worthiness, trust. They’re shattered, like when we lose someone we love. We grieve, we’re sad, we mourn the lost. Life will never be the same, but we don’t question the relationship. We don’t question our ability to trust right. We don’t question our sanity With betrayal. We do so. That betrayal is a different type of trauma that needs a different way to heal. That was the first discovery, wow.
Speaker 3:
Wow, oh my goodness, like I’m already. You took me back to my betrayal in college. My fiance was, you know, cheating on me and I caught him in the act and that betrayal was so you’re right earth shattering like there’s nothing like it. I lost my father last year and it didn’t even come close to how it felt Now. Maybe my age might also be playing a role here.
Speaker 2:
No.
Speaker 3:
I’m young, you know, and bright eyed is my first experience, but it was so profound and I lost myself, my whole identity went down the toilet.
Speaker 2:
And here’s the thing age has nothing to do with it, and this is why it’s so interesting. And as we get to the second discovery, we all hear time heals all wounds. I have the proof that when it comes to betrayal, that’s not true. Time won’t heal it. A new relationship won’t heal it. The only thing that will heal it is deliberately and intentionally healing it. Want me to get to the second discovery, please? So the second one was that there’s actually a collection of symptoms physical, mental and emotional so common to betrayal. It’s now known as post-betrayal syndrome, and we’ve had over a hundred thousand people take our post-betrayal syndrome quiz to see to what extent they’re struggling. And I mean, I’m happy to share some of those stats. It’s staggering.
Speaker 3:
I do want you to share with them, because I think it gives people an idea of how different this truly is to any other kind of loss.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
So imagine over 100,000 people men, women, just about every country’s represented. As much as you’re going to hear these symptoms. Pay attention to the numbers, okay. So 78% constantly revisit their experience. 81% feel a loss of personal power. 80% are hypervigilant. Think about how exhausting that is. 94% deal with a painful trigger. If you’ve ever had a trigger, they’re so painful.
Speaker 2:
The most common physical symptoms 71% have low energy. 68% have sleep issues. 63% have extreme fatigue. So you sleep all night. You wake up. You’re exhausted. Your adrenals have tanked. 47% have weight changes.
Speaker 2:
So in the beginning, maybe you can’t hold food down. Later on, you’re emotionally eating. You’re using food for comfort. 45% have a digestive issue and that could be anything Crohn’s, ibs, diverticulitis, constipation, diarrhea, you name it. The most common mental symptoms 78% are overwhelmed. 68% can’t focus. 62% can’t concentrate. So imagine that you can’t concentrate. Let’s say you have a gut issue. You’re exhausted. You have to go to work every day. You have to raise your kids. That’s not even the emotional ones. Emotionally, 88% experience extreme sadness. 83% are very angry and you’re bouncing back and forth between those two all day long. Think about how exhausting that is. I’m skipping a bunch, just a few more. 79% are stressed. This one killed me. 84% have an inability to trust. Okay, think about what an inability to trust would do in your business, in your relationships, right? 67% prevent themselves from forming deep relationships because they’re afraid of being hurt again. They put the big wall up, right, they’re done that. No one’s getting near me again. 82% find it hard to move forward. 90% want to move forward, but they don’t know how.
Speaker 3:
Staggering. I, just as you’re talking, I’m like, oh my goodness, that did happen to me and no wonder I’m part of that group, you know, and that group, because I didn’t eat and I actually passed out. I was in the middle of final exams at college and people were like you look like gone and I’m like I was gone to the point where I bombed like all my final exams. My father was furious and the following year they sent me to France, but that’s another story.
Speaker 2:
But this is what happens Now. Here’s what’s even crazier. You didn’t hear me say 20%, 30%. These numbers are super high. This is what’s so crazy. They’re not even representative of a recent betrayal. This could be from your parent who did something awful when you were a kid. This could be from the partner who broke your heart in high school. So think about this. That person may not know care. Remember, they may not even be alive. And here we are decades later with symptoms because of something left unhealed. The good news is you can heal from all of it, which was the third discovery, you know. I just want to share a super quick story because this shows you how long these symptoms can be there.
Speaker 2:
We had a woman in our community in her mid eighties. She had a family betrayal. When she was a kid. She was adopted. They didn’t tell her that kind of thing. 70 plus years she had a gut issue. Two weeks in our program healing from the root the real issue she healed the gut issue of over 70 years. That’s what happens when you deal with the betrayal.
Speaker 3:
Wow, you know, and I’m thinking of, there’s so many people in my head right now that I know have gone through betrayal and they have gut issues. I had gut issues my husband who also had a betrayal with the person he dated as well in college First serious girlfriend, total betrayal.
Speaker 2:
He has gut issues and you’re going to see exactly where this shows up in the third discovery, and this is how you know exactly where this shows up in the third discovery and this is how you know if you’ve healed or if you haven’t. Do you want me to go through the third one, please?
Speaker 3:
please Okay, I’m really interested now.
Speaker 2:
So this, for me, was the most exciting out of the three, and what was discovered was, while we can stay stuck for years, decades, right Like that woman I just mentioned in our program, or a lifetime, if we’re going to fully heal and by fully heal I mean those symptoms of post-betrayal syndrome that I just shared to this completely rebuilt place where you rebuild your life and yourself. It’s a place called post-betrayal transformation. We’re going to move through five proven, predictable stages. What’s even more exciting about that is we now know what happens physically, mentally and emotionally at every stage, and we know what it takes to move from one stage to the next. Healing’s entirely predictable and I’m happy to share the stages if you want to hear them.
Speaker 3:
I would love those stages actually, yeah.
Speaker 2:
So this is what all of our PBT coaches are certified in. It’s all we do within the PBT Institute. I’m going to give you a boil down version of the stages right here. So the first stage is before it happens. And if you can imagine four legs of a table, the four legs being physical, mental, emotional and spiritual, what I saw with everyone me too was a heavy lean on the physical and mental thinking and doing right, we’re so good at that and kind of neglecting or ignoring the emotional and the spiritual feeling and being. Well, if a table only has two legs, it’s going to be easy for that table to topple over. That’s us.
Speaker 2:
Stage two shock, trauma, D day, discovery day. Everyone remembers their D day. You mentioned it just before. Right, and this is the breakdown of the body, the mind and the worldview. Right here you’ve created this psychological earthquake where your life is now compartmentalized into two camps before it happened and after it happened. Right, so right here you ignite the stress response. You’re now headed for every single stress-related symptom illness, condition, disease. Your mind is in a total state of chaos. You cannot understand what you just discovered. This makes no sense and your worldview has just been shattered. That’s your mental model, the rules that govern you, that prevent chaos. Trust this person. These are the rules, right, and in one earth shattering moment, all the rules are broken. Right, the bottom is bottomed out on you and a new bottom hasn’t been formed yet. So it’s terrifying. But think about it If the bottom were to bottom out on you, what would you do? You grab hold of anything or anyone, right, In order to stay safe and stay alive. That’s stage three. Survival instincts emerge. You’re going to notice so many people when I explain this stage. This is the most practical out of all of the stages. If you can’t help me get out of my way, how do I survive this? Who can I trust? Here’s the trap, though. Stage three, by far, hands down, is the most common place we get stuck, and here’s why, Once we figured out how to survive our experience because it feels so much better than the shock and trauma we just came from we think it’s good.
Speaker 2:
And because we don’t know there’s anywhere else to go we don’t know there’s a stage four or stage five. Transformation doesn’t even begin until stage four, but because we don’t know there’s anywhere else to go, we plant roots here. We’re not supposed to, but we don’t know that and four things start to happen. You’re going to picture everybody, you know. The first thing is we start getting all those small self-benefits. We get our story, we love our story. We get sympathy from everyone we tell our story to. We get to be right. We don’t have to do the hard work of learning to trust again right, and on some level this kind of feels good. We’re not getting much else, so we take it. We plant deeper roots Now, because we’re here longer than we should be, the mind starts doing things like you know, maybe you’re not that great, Maybe you deserved it, Maybe this, maybe that we question ourselves.
Speaker 2:
We plant deeper roots Now because these are the thoughts we’re thinking. This is the energy we start putting out. Like energy attracts, like energy. So now we start attracting circumstances and people and new relationships that confirm this is where we belong. Here’s where we’ll join like that lame support group and we will actually sabotage our growth because we found our people. Here’s where we’re going to therapy, but if that therapist isn’t highly skilled in betrayal, we’re feeling heard, validated, understood. We are not an inch closer to moving to stage four. We’re actually solidifying our spot in stage three If I tell you how many people come into the PBT Institute with therapy, trauma, well-meaning therapists but they’re just regurgitating, rehashing, feeling heard and gluing themselves to that spot. Here’s where we’re actually growing. But then we sabotage ourselves because we’re afraid to outgrow our betrayer. Does this make sense? So far?
Speaker 3:
Yes, because I actually have five cycles of transformation in my own book. You said that most people get stay stuck in the third one. That’s usually where I’ve seen people get stuck, what I call the ego identity. Yeah, depends on what we believe to be true about ourselves, and that’s what keeps us stuck there. It’s like the deceptive part of our mind.
Speaker 3:
And it’s not an easy step to get out of there. It takes a lot of consistency and hard work to emerge, which is, for me. It’s the fourth cycle of transformation, the emergence part, which is where you start gaining momentum on the practices and the habits that you’re putting in place, facing those traumas.
Speaker 2:
Exactly, and as if stage three weren’t sticky enough because we’re so miserable. But we don’t know there’s anything better than this. Right here we start numbing, avoiding, distracting, so we start using food, drugs, alcohol, work, TV scrolling, whatever. And now think about it. We do it for a day, a week, a month. Now it’s a habit. A year, 10 years, 20 years. And I can see someone 20 years later and say that emotional eating you’re doing, or that drinking or whatever. Do you think that has anything to do with your betrayal? And they look at me like I’m crazy. They said it happened 20 years ago. All they did was put themselves in stage three and stay there. Does that make sense?
Speaker 3:
Yes, themselves in stage three and stay there. Does that make sense? Yes, it’s what’s coming to mind, and maybe we can talk a little bit more about. This is a pattern of behavior that we get stuck in because it’s something we’ve programmed our minds to be Exactly. And from the life coaching perspective, this is what we kind of discuss as life coaches. It’s like where are you at? Why do you think you’re still stuck in this in this cycle? Cause it seems like you’re going in circles.
Speaker 3:
You’re doing the same stuff over and, over and over again and wanting a different outcome. But you’re not doing. You’re not breaking those habits, You’re not creating new habits. So how do you intend to get out of there?
Speaker 2:
Yeah, exactly, and that’s why it’s so interesting, because I certify, we certify a lot of people and coaches. We certified doctors, coaches, therapists, counselors, and it’s the coaches that make the best PBT coaches, because the whole idea is to move forward, to consistently move forward, not to keep us stuck. There is a very important space in stage two where you do need to feel heard, validated, understood. You need to make sense of the senseless right, but when that’s all you’re doing, it’s really not serving at all. Want me to get you to stage four and five, please.
Speaker 3:
I’m dying now If we both got similar downloads. You got it in your space and I got it in my space and it just it seems like there’s a lot more going on here.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, oh, absolutely. And this was again. This was just what the research showed. So anyway, if you are willing willingness is a big word right here to let go of your story, all it gives you grieve, more in the loss, a bunch of things you need to do you move to stage four. Stage four is finding and adjusting to a new normal. Here’s where you acknowledge I can’t undo what happened, but I control what I do with it. Just in that decision you’re turning down the stress response. You’re not healing just yet, but at least you stopped the massive damage that was going on in stages two and stage three.
Speaker 2:
Stage four feels like, if you’ve ever moved, if you’ve ever moved to a new house office you know, condo, whatever, all your stuff’s not there. You know it’s not quite cozy yet, but you’re like, okay, we got this, this sort of hopeful excitement, right. But think about it If you were to move, you don’t take everything with you. You don’t take the things that don’t represent the version of you you’re now ready to become things that don’t represent the version of you you’re now ready to become. And what I found was there’s this one spot as people leave stage three and enter into stage four. If your friends weren’t there for you. You don’t take them with you. That lame support group you’re done. That therapist who’s just keeping you stuck, you’re done. That betrayer who’s not changing you’re done. And people said to me all the time what the heck is it me? I’ve had these people in my life for so long. Yes, it is. You’re undergoing a transformation. If they don’t rise, they don’t come along.
Speaker 2:
So stage four is very it’s not necessarily a lonely stage, but it’s very personal stage, very action oriented, very personal. Anyway, when you settle into this space and you make it cozy, you make it mentally home, you move into the fifth, most beautiful stage, and this is healing, rebirth and a new worldview. The body starts to heal Self-love, self-care, eating well, exercise. We didn’t have the bandwidth for that earlier. Now we do. The mind is healing. We’re making all kinds of new rules, new boundaries based on the road we just traveled, and we have a whole new worldview based on everything we see so clearly now and the four legs of that table. In the beginning it was all about physical and mental. By this point we’re solidly grounded because we’re focused on the emotional and the spiritual too. Those are the five stages.
Speaker 3:
I loved how you walked us through there, because there’s just so much to unpack and I know initially when people are stuck just with the betrayal, it’s so overwhelming they don’t even know where to start. So I find that your process really gives them a good visual. The table the analogy of the table, really gives people an idea of what have I been doing and what is lacking that.
Speaker 3:
I need to refocus my mind towards to really, at a at a holistic level, move through this betrayal, because it’s not just physically I’m moving through it, it’s not just mentally I’m moving through it. It is emotional and spiritual because I am transforming this. This storm becomes the catalyst of who you’re becoming and if you make the choice, like you said, you’ve got to decide that you want to move forward, because it is very easy to stay stuck in the third phase.
Speaker 2:
Oh, absolutely.
Speaker 3:
It’s something that we all suffer from. It depends on the area of life. If it’s an area of life that you’ve traditionally struggled, sometimes your mind just wants to take a break and you just eh, I’m just not going to put the work into it.
Speaker 3:
The problem is and this is how we, as life coaches, kind of explain it to people is when you’re not showing up for that area of your life, that area of your life is actually projecting onto the other areas of your life those belief systems that you find to be true about yourself. Do you think you may have it under wraps because you’re thinking it, but subconsciously you’re projecting it, and so we really need to get to the root of it and move through the trauma and actually address it and heal it so that you can actually move forward.
Speaker 3:
You can’t move forward, otherwise you can’t put band-aids over this. It’s going to come out physically, mentally. However you discuss, like the percentages show you how it manifests itself.
Speaker 2:
Oh yeah, and you know, here’s a visual so you can see it so clearly. This is the difference between resilience and transformation, and you need resilience for your day-to-day Trauma and transformation. It’s a whole other thing. So imagine and I did two TEDx talks the second one do you have post-betrayal syndrome? I talk about this and I talk about a house and I, you know, picture it’s like, picture this old house, right, and let’s say, resilience would be the equivalent of let’s say you need a new paint job and you paint that’s resilience, you’re bringing it back, restoring it. Or let’s say it needs a new boiler, right, you get a new boiler, you’re that’s resilience, you’re restoring, bringing back. Here’s trauma and transformation. A tornado comes by and levels the house. Your paint job is not going to fix it, your boiler’s not going to fix it, nothing’s going to fix it.
Speaker 2:
Now, here’s the thing you have every right to stand there at the lot where your house once stood and say this is the absolute worst thing that’s ever happened. You’d be right and you can call all your friends over and say isn’t this the most horrible thing you’ve ever seen? They don’t agree and you can mourn the loss of your house for the remainder of your days. However, should you choose to rebuild the house? You don’t have to, but if you choose to, why would you build the same one? There’s nothing there, right? Why not give it everything the old house didn’t have? Make it better, make it more beautiful.
Speaker 2:
That’s the opportunity, and that’s the opportunity that is so often missed after betrayal, and that’s when people are stuck in stage three. That’s why they have repeat experiences. That’s why they’re just tamping down symptoms of post-betrayal syndrome. They’re miserable. If they had any idea what stage four and stage five felt like, they wouldn’t waste their time in stage three for a minute yes, I just find that the mind is so deceptive, my goodness, if you don’t shut it down at the thought level, it becomes these big emotions and we don’t tend to do like keep the emotion under wraps.
Speaker 3:
It’s unfortunate. We react. If it’s a negative, fear-based emotion, we act on it. If it’s a beautiful emotion which most rarely is when you’re dealing with betrayal yeah, yeah, yeah, and then you’ve gotten past that storm and then you can start really seeing things clearly. But I do remember going through the changes in my life and I did have betrayal and it was so pronounced, like it really defined my relationship with men.
Speaker 3:
It just was like so my security was taken from me and I also had traumatic betrayal from my father when I was seven years old, and it was a mistake he made, unfortunately, but that mistake really defined me for a long time. It wasn’t until I wrote my first book in 2020 that God had prompted me to write, mostly to heal those wounds, because he saw that my father was going to pass away. He knew my heart. He knew that I couldn’t take it if I hadn’t resolved those feelings within me.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and you know, what you shared was just classic unhealed betrayal, like that experience when you were seven. That was the betrayal left unhealed. We move into examples of we have other betrayals not that these are good relationships, but it’s like we know how toals. Not that these are good relationships, but it’s like we know how to work within them. This is familiar, it’s a familiar feeling, we understand it and so we just, we’re just continuing in this betrayal cycle.
Speaker 2:
We see, I see an unhealed betrayal I mean it is so obvious in work and health, in relationships, and I see it in these ways in relationships. I see it in one of two ways. Classic sign of an unhealed betrayal is a repeat betrayal. The face has changed, but it’s the same thing. That’s not healed. The second way we see it is the big wall goes up. I shared before 67% of people put that big wall up or they’re afraid of being hurt again and we think it’s coming from a place of strength. It’s not. It’s coming from fear. We were so hurt, our heart was so shattered, our safety so destroyed, that we would rather put up a big wall and keep everyone at a distance than risk that level of vulnerability Again. We see it in health too. People go to the most well-meaning, amazing doctors, coaches, healers, therapists to manage a stress-related symptom, illness, condition, disease, like, for example, right. 45% of everyone betrayed has a gut issue. You can go to the best gut doctor on the planet I’m friends with many of them. They can give you a beautiful protocol, but if the betrayal isn’t addressed, you’re only hacking away at the leaves.
Speaker 2:
We see it at work too, where you know think about it. You deserve that razor promotion, but your confidence was shattered. So you don’t have the confidence to ask. Or you want to be a team player, collaborative partner, but the person you trusted the most proved untrustworthy. How do you trust the boss, the coworker? You see, it shows up everywhere.
Speaker 3:
It does, and I’m like thinking of personal experiences right now, you know, and how it’s showing up in my own marriage.
Speaker 3:
Right Of like that betrayal and why it’s so painful. I couldn’t understand for my husband, like certain things that he was telling me and he’s like no, it’s the same as a betrayal like this. If you don’t listen to understand me, this is what it feels like to me and I’m thinking if it feels like betrayal then. And I’m thinking if it feels like betrayal then now I’m starting to truly understand the repercussions. Now he had several right betrayals, just like I did and I. We’re in individual therapy for that reason is to start healing through and moving through that, those instances through.
Speaker 3:
EMDR which, in my case, I really needed it because it was really impacting the way I saw myself and how I saw my parenting role. My bullying years had never been dealt with, and that’s another form of betrayal from a best friend, and how that really impacted my view of the world right. I just don’t trust as easily. I’ve had so much happen in my life that I detailed in the book and I thought I was over, and I clearly was not, so that’s why I went back and got therapy.
Speaker 2:
The issues are in the tissues and that’s why, like especially in stage two, we have we have all of our coaches within the PBT Institute. They’re all certified in the five stages but they’re bringing in their areas of expertise as it relates to betrayal. So one of our most popular stage two coaches is our somatic, body-based coach, because if your nervous system is completely dysregulated, the traumas in the tissues, if you don’t get that out, you’re not healing. But then we’ll have coaches for stages four and five, which is all about self-growth, the mindset. So it really depends on you need different things at different stages, but it needs to be addressed physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, because betrayal hits every one of those levels.
Speaker 3:
Wow, I’m definitely going to want to keep in touch with you because a lot of this resonated with me personally and I know that listeners of the podcast are really going to be intrigued by this, because who hasn’t had a betrayal? Think about it Like well, it doesn’t have to be, you know, but we had it with a significant other, both my husband and I.
Speaker 3:
right, and but then I also had it in the form of bullying, and I don’t know if bullying would be considered betrayal, especially if that person had been my friend like seventh and eighth grade. And then she turned on me in ninth grade.
Speaker 2:
It’s the breaking of the spoken or unspoken rule. If the rule was we’re friends and then somebody bullies you, that’s a betrayal. And it’s interesting because we even have a program for the betrayers as well. Of course it wouldn’t be every betrayer that wants to do a program like this, but who’s willing to face me, the coaches, everybody. But what’s so interesting is this is for the person who’s blown up their lives and realizes they’ve shattered the heart, the trust of the very person they love the most and who loves them the most. And it’s so interesting because for that person to watch them transform their transformations are as profound as the betrayed. It’s beautiful to watch.
Speaker 3:
Yes, and I would love to be able to, like, follow you more and see some of those transformations happen, because I think that’s so empowering to people. They want to be able to, like, follow you more and see some of those transformations happen, because I think that’s so empowering to people. They want to be in that space. They just don’t realize that you do have to roll up your sleeves and actually get to work and actually do the heavy lifting. It’s not a impossible thing. I think most people their mindset is, oh, this is too much and I just don’t want to do it. But then it’s like are you leading your life?
Speaker 2:
Well and I can tell you yeah, I’ve been through death of a loved one, I’ve been through disease, and I’ll close the loop on my story. Rebuilding is always a choice whether you rebuild yourself and move along, and that’s what I did with my family. It just wasn’t an option to heal with them. They weren’t changing, I was growing. Or, if the situation lends itself, if you’re willing, if you want to, you rebuild something entirely new with the person who hurt you, and that’s what I did with my husband. So, not long ago, as two completely transformed people, we married each other again.
Speaker 3:
That’s awesome.
Speaker 2:
New rings, new vows, new dress and our four kids as our bridal party. Never in a billion years would I have done anything remotely like that if I wasn’t completely transformed in him too. I’m a highly sensitive empath, with integrity as my highest value, so betraying someone like me, it almost doesn’t get worse. That was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but transformation is real for the betrayed and it can be for the betrayer as well.
Speaker 3:
You have shared so many pearls of wisdom. I can’t even begin to thank you for being on the show and sharing as much as you have shared, and I know that you are in your divine purpose. This is it for you, right? This? Is not a seasonal thing for you.
Speaker 2:
No, I’ve been in business 33 years and it’s like everything I’ve done has led to what I’m doing.
Speaker 3:
And I’m so happy that you’re here, because your light is so bright and it really needs to shine even brighter, and I’m so happy that you and I connected on podmatchcom for those that are listening. If you have a story like Dr Debbie’s to share, that is the platform to get on and to start sharing these stories, because, my goodness, this has been such an amazing wealth of information.
Speaker 3:
Thank you so much, dr Debbie, for coming on to release that, reveal purpose and being your authentic self, being your vulnerable self. I know that the listeners are dying to know how they can get in contact with you. Can you share how they can reach you?
Speaker 2:
Yeah, sure, thank you so much, and it’s people like you that give people like me a voice, so I’m so grateful. Everything is at the PBT, as in post betrayal transformation, the PBT institutecom.
Speaker 3:
Amazing. Thanks so much, dr Debbie and for the listeners, of released out, reveal purpose. Remember Matthew 514. Be the light. Have a wonderful week, stay safe, love you all. Stay safe, love you all.
Speaker 1:
Bye now. So that’s it for today’s episode of Release Doubt Reveal Purpose. Head on over to iTunes or wherever you listen and subscribe to the show. One lucky listener every single week who posts a review on iTunes. One lucky listener every single week who posts a review on iTunes. We’ll win a chance in the grand prize drawing to win a $25,000 private VIP day with Sylvia Worsham herself. Be sure to head on over to sylviaworsham.com and pick up a free copy of Sylvia’s gift and join us on the next episode.